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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2017 One Week Challenge  ›  Ayisiyinihkân - OWC Moderators: khamanna
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Cacutshaw
Posted: October 25th, 2017, 11:11pm Report to Moderator
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A fun little horror short. I always like the criminal on the run story, and it usually fits well in the horror genre. I was worried this was going to be heavily influenced by the film Scarecrows (criminals how just pulled a heist only to get knocked off by killer scarecrows) but your twist was quite unique!

The only problem for me is, dressed in an oversized scarecrow costume, I would think it's almost impossible to take out all those troopers. And then play a joke on someone. Make that a bit more believable though and the problem's solved.

Great job!
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StevenClark
Posted: October 30th, 2017, 12:29pm Report to Moderator
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Writer,

Thought you set the initial scene up well with some sparse, descriptive writing! After that it kinda got lost. Didn’t think the two convicts dialogue was believable - too much joking around and sarcasm for two men in the run. The phobia would have been more believable had it been about fish rather than a scarecrow, and OH all those troopers about! Anyway, wasn’t bad despite all that. I think you might have something here but it needs a serious rewrite. Good job.

Steve


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