Thought you set the initial scene up well with some sparse, descriptive writing! After that it kinda got lost. Didnt think the two convicts dialogue was believable - too much joking around and sarcasm for two men in the run. The phobia would have been more believable had it been about fish rather than a scarecrow, and OH all those troopers about! Anyway, wasnt bad despite all that. I think you might have something here but it needs a serious rewrite. Good job.