Couplets! Couplets! They are fine - zzz,
Rhyming phrases in two lines.

Don

What he pens oft fairly clear
But doth he see or doth he hear

I once thought I had control
but what I lacked he made whole

He and I are two sides of desire
This longing for him my indissoluble mire

I once asked most every day
doth this relationship go just one way?

"Let's be friends..." (is what I mean
when I ask your opinion on a scene)

"I think of you" (is what I say
before I fuck the day away)

Now that I write I think I'll regret
that he and I once ever met

I want to be greedy, steal all his attention
but of his name, I give no mention.



   




 

*applause*

clap, clap, clap!
yaaaay!

well done, very poetic...

moving...very moving....and i mean that in a good way

Lesley wrote of me.
Lesley wrote of thee.

Lesley wrote of the girl I dearly sought
The girl who pained me as an after thought.

Lesly wrote of girl who loved me and I knew,
And I carried her friend up to my room.

Lesly wrote of me, now older and fat,
She wrote of my love who is also that.

Lesly wrote of much that needs to be said,
but I'm tired and now tottle off to bed.

That's awesome, Don.  That is super awesome. 

I don't know, I was feeling stressed out yesterday and threw that one I wrote together in about an hour.  I would have taken longer and been more lengthy about it, but I was already running late for school.

I really, really liked it.  That's superb.

Delightful anxiety waiting in darkness
Gobbling desires in a manner of...shark....ness...(cough, cough)

No room to grow, no room left in waiting
Watching Animal Planet with it's bestial mating

Sitting on the couch, tired as hell
Can't think of things to do, locked in my cell

When i realize these couplets are sh*tty as anything
Talent now lost temporarily....ing

Ahem...

You're having an odd day, shaman.  I can already tell.

yeah, i don't think i'll bother putting up any more poems anymore....

i need to let my thoughts collect and school work dissipate....

terrible....just terrible.

Shaman:

"Delightful anxiety..." was a work of art.

"Yeah, I don't think..."  was crap.  Probably the worst couplet I've ever read.  Neither "anymore" nor "dissipate" nor "terrible" rhyme.  Also, couplet = two.  You had three lines in there. 

Wait!  Nothing of what I said above was a couplet!
Poetry police!  Aaaahhh...

Don, as an after thought, I was really feeling that "Lesly wrote of girl who loved me and I knew, and I carried her friend up to my room" line.

I mean, turned around and it were a guy instead of a girl, I likely would have done the same.

Lesly:

When you wrote: "...and threw that one I wrote together in about an hour." My response was, "I hate you."  You tossed out that brilliance as an afterthought?  You've got a talent.

On my first read of "What he pens oft fairly clear" , it was a poem from my own heart (change the 'he' to 'she').  On another read, it was a peom from the heart of at least one woman I dated (waaaay back when I was young and beautiful).  I felt pain on two levels.  The pain I received and the pain I gave. 

BTW, with regard to "the girl who loved me and I knew and carried her friend up to my room", I am to this day friends with "The Girl".  We coorespond often.  When in town she and her husband and my wife and I get together for barbeques.  Oddly enough, when we dated, we argued and fought and I was mean (and I thought she was, too).  When we broke up (everytime) we were the best of friends.  We still are. 
As for the 'Friend I carried up to my room' (well, she wasn't a friend of her's (artistic license)), I don't know what happened to her.  Quite frankly, I don't care. 

Don

Seriously, Don, all I did was start to brainstorm in the "quick reply", which is what I always use when I post.  It did take some time, but I was only conscious of the time because I did have to leave for school.  I stayed in this section about an hour (for real) and wrote what I was feeling.  Then I arranged it and deleted out what I didn't think worked.  That's why that whole big space on the bottom of my poem is there.

I don't know that it was brilliance, so I feel highly flattered by that.  Thank you so very, very much.

It's basically a two level poem.  It's two people speaking.  What's in parentheses is him speaking.  The rest from me and my thoughts.

That's awesome you can forgive and forget.  I think I'm just gonna take a little time with the forgetting part for now because what I feel is mainly a great deal of frustration.

Quoted from lesleyjl21, posted March 28th, 2004, 11:51pm at here That's awesome you can forgive and forget.

Well, twenty years has a way of washing out the sand and dirt and leave what it was that held us together as friends. 

Don

A Willing Victim

She moves like the wind on a bitter cold night
She makes you then shiver and hold yourself tight

When she is there you feel like you're high
It's not like you need to but somehow you sigh

This can't be healthy, you're thinking right now
I want to forget her, I just don't know how.

She'll trample your heart, your mind in a mix
You know that she's bad, but you need your fix

She cares not for love nor human emotion
She thinks it's all funny, her crap little notion

To get your mind reeling over who she really is
But not give a damn because that's showbiz

But know if you leave, she will not be vexed
She's thinking about who she'll play with next...


- For the boy I loved so dearly.  Perhaps he will now see clearly. -