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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
While Love Strikes by Syril Hay Zimand - Romantic, Comedy - A love story between young man and strippers from a strip club, who want to prove they can find love in places like this and over come the hard life they have after falling in love with one another. 65 pages - pdf, format
Cyril, late 30’s man of his life and a strip club owner, being ready and dressed up in an Italian white suit and a red handkerchief in his jacket pocket, to swing to his own strip club, named the Pussy galore.
The parts in bold are unfilmable - e.g., how does someone shoot that he is a strip club owner. It is also inefficient. Try being crisper. Something like:
Cyril (late 30’s) dressed an Italian white suit, red handkerchief in the jacket pocket.
That really is all you need.
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When suddenly Cassandra his life partner walks in and asks him
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And Cyril laughs and he looks at her with his two somehow faithful eyesCYRIL and says
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And Cyril actually try and answers her by excusing himself:
You do the above throughout - it is a script, not a novel. You don't need to preface the dialogue by telling us someone is going to speak. Check out some scripts here to see how they do it.