We all have a little problem here when it comes to screewriting. Some of us are pro, some of us are just beginning - and in an atmosphere like this, we can all help each other. I like it about this site.


Now when it comes to A Topiary (http://www.sendspace.com/file/yyez4r - script link here) we can learn how NOT to do a screenplay.


A Topiary is from Shane Carruth, the creater of Primer.

It's an interesting script, as in, the formatting is incredibly different than you'd imagine and the dialogue is frustratingly bad.

He'll talk like: "MAN Hi...so - you know... I ... know a... really-- good...place....down by--the sea....lets- go?"

Now that is a sentence where he isnt on the phone.


I couldnt even tell you what the script is about as it involves a car crash, and then the council deciding to move a road or the city closer to the car-crash and then the guy finds him these stars in the city and then they turn out to be a shape

annnnd then meanwhile there are boys who find these disks that make them fly and then..

And it's also 244 pages long.

The script is long-winded, non-emotional. We dont really finish the first act until around 64 pages.  



Have a look if you are interested. You could learn a few things about it.

I personally couldnt understand it. It was...It was weird. The scene sets us off and we're in a car, suddenly it crashes.

Now that's cool. But the rest is just...I don't know.

Oh and that the guy at the start meets these Scientists who also know about these stars, and that later the Boys make these creatures.

So later in the climax (would I call it a climax? I really couldnt understand head or tail of it all) the Scientists and the Boys go to war.

was my expression when it started off.

was halfway throughout the script

was at the end.


But have a look. You might understand it.

If YOU understand it, then tell me. Please.

Other than that and the fact the characters have no emotional contact and there is no achivements in their goals I felt I was just reading a novel.

-Rhys

We have a couple of scripts like that, here, don't need to look elsewhere.


Phil

I have faith in Shane Carruth.  Primer was amazing.  There's no telling what version of the script this is, how much he'll actually even use, etc.

Regardless of the script's quality, Primer has guaranteed a ticket for me to whatever he makes next.

Yeah, Primer was fascinating, all credit due to him for getting it made too considering it was the debut feature of a maths student. I know I needed to watch it a second and third time. I haven't read "A Topiary" but it doesn't surprise me that it could leave you at a loss, I had a similar experience with the screenplay for Darren Aronofsky "Pi", but it made for a very interesting film nonetheless.

Like Dressel, I’m willing to give Carruth’s next picture a look no matter what the script is like.