SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is December 16th, 2019, 4:03am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
12/13/19 - A Lot of Scripts for Award Consideration are going up. Follow the action here:
Scripts Studios are Posting for Award Consideration


The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)


Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  HouseBoy: The Series Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    HouseBoy: The Series  (currently 3867 views)
Don
Posted: December 9th, 2007, 3:31pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13495
Posts Per Day
1.96
HouseBoy: The Series: Episode 1.1 - "The Time We Got Drunk" by Daniel Kreiner (EBurke73) - Series - Barry must help the girls get Chloe from one side of campus to another, getting past horny frat boys, rivasl sorority girls, a public safety crackdown on public drunkeness, and Jeannine, their leader. 59 pages - doc, format

HouseBoy: The Series: Episode 1.2 - "The Time We Danced" by Daniel Kreiner (EBurke73) - Series - So what is the deal with this HouseBoy thing, the girls, the campus, and Sig Nus wanting to beat up Barry? 52 pages - doc, format

HouseBoy: The Series: Episode 1.3 - "The Time We Stood Up to The Super Seniors" by Daniel Kreiner (EBurke73) - Series - Jeannine and the girls must get over their intimidation of their elder stateswomen to rescue Barry. 59 pages - doc, format

HouseBoy: The Series: Episode 1.4 - "The Time We Had a Date Party" by Daniel Kreiner (EBurke73) - Series - The girls must find dates for their party, while making sure that they keep their side of the HouseBoy bargain and get Barry to go out for the night. 59 pages - doc, format

HouseBoy: The Series: Episode 1.5 - "The Time We Had a Snowstorm" by Daniel Kreiner (EBurke73) - Series - Barry thinks his dream has come true, stuck in the house during a blizzard, but his dream girl, Jeannine, is stuck in the liquor store and, Monica wants to give him a makeover, Elaine treats him nasty, and there's a game of Truth or Dare. 59 pages - doc, format

HouseBoy: The Series: Episode 1.6 - "The Time The B Stories Ran Wild" by Daniel Kreiner (EBurke73) - Series - What happened to Tara at the library?  What did Sharon dothat was so wrong at the liquor store?  Will Jeannine get Chloe to rejoin the sorority? 56 pages - doc, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
EBurke73
Posted: December 9th, 2007, 8:55pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Posts
129
Posts Per Day
0.03
I hope everybody enjoys the scripts.  I recommend reading an episode at a time since their sixty pages a pop.

Thanks.


It's the trial of the minute

Houseboy - The Time We Were on Trial

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1188312962/

Now available:  Houseboy: The Series
The girls of Sigma Kappa Pi have a secret...
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1197232302/
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 5
wonkavite
Posted: December 14th, 2007, 5:04am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Good stuff.

I'm actually an (oldish) fan of the series, having read these in earlier draft form.  While I'm not particularly fond of the play version, I've found the Houseboy *series* addictive.   Well written, with a "Scrubs-in-College" sort of vibe (complete with both the sweet overtones and slight tendancy for tangents.)  Yet, it doesn't come across as a knock off at all...it does have it's own voice and feel.

I do recommend that people read these...HB is worth it...!

--WonkaVite
Logged
e-mail Reply: 2 - 5
dogglebe
Posted: January 1st, 2008, 5:31pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



The first chapter of Houseboy:  The Series is much better than the original piece you posted a while back.  It explained things a lot better and I wound up with a much better grasp on it than the other one.

One problem I had with this is that the pacing seemed a little slow.  Dialog ran on in several scenes and it seemed a while before we got to the jokes.  For a comedy (much less one like Scrubs), the jokes have to hit us a lot faster.  And scenes shouldn't be six and eight pages long if nothing major results from it.

Another problem was that you introduced way too many people in one chapter.  You have Barry, the girls of two sororities and the guys of one fraternity.  In other words, about fifteen characters in a one hour script.

The first issue of a series should introduce only the bare minimum, just so we can familiarize ourself with them before you throw the rest of the campus on our laps.

Characterization was good.  I got a general feel for them but, if you cut the number of characters in half and spent more time on the remaining characters, I'd have a full grip on them.

You made a big production out of a little story.  Okay, Chloe got drunk.  So what?  When I was in college, and we got drunk, we went to the local diner or White Castle and we ate for an hour; that sobered us up pretty well.  This story was like a poor man's Indiana Jones.  Why go crazy avoiding the traps, avoiding the native, avoiding the Nazis, when all you have to do is step in the diner and eat pancakes?

This idea would work much better if it was written in half hour episodes.  Try condensing everything so there is a higher density of jokes....like Scrubs.


Phil
Logged
e-mail Reply: 3 - 5
EBurke73
Posted: January 5th, 2008, 7:46pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Posts
129
Posts Per Day
0.03
First, Happy New Year, cause you posted on January 1.

Second, thanks for reading this episode.

This episode had a lot of work to do because I was using it to not only introduce the characters, but to also set up some of the conflicts.  Granted, I could probably have pulled a "Buffy" and saved the big bad for later in the season.  It's certainly something to consider.

You know, it never occurred to me that they would go to a diner and wait out the conflicts.  I think I set up that they couldn't go back to the house, but I'll have to add a reason not to go anywhere else.  Probably something simple.

Much to consider.  I hope you'll give the other episodes a look.


It's the trial of the minute

Houseboy - The Time We Were on Trial

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1188312962/

Now available:  Houseboy: The Series
The girls of Sigma Kappa Pi have a secret...
http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-series/m-1197232302/
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 5
MZPtv
Posted: March 5th, 2008, 7:26am Report to Moderator
New-ish


Nothing is any good if other people like it.

Location
Nottingham, England
Posts
37
Posts Per Day
0.01
I guess I have to repeat what dogglebee said, as he summed up my thoughts so well!

Stagger the introduction of the cast a bit so we're not trying to remember everyone at once - or at least save the boys for later on once we've met the girls. The dialogue's lively and interesting, very natural sounding (which is damn hard to get the hang of for any writer!), but you do have several scenes that don't really go anywhere, or drag on for several pages before they start getting funny. Think of how rapid-fire the jokes and scenes in the average episode of Scrubs are!

This would probably make a brilliantly fast and zappy half-hour script (maybe with a few scenes saved for next episode) by chopping lots out of it and making the 'Chloe Gets Drunk' story into something more interesting. So! Potential here, which is important. Consider aiming for a shorter, faster-paced style to suit what you want to do, and also be ruthless when it comes to trimming scenes and dialogue.



Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 5
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Series  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006