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Your Rig or Mine? by Bridget Reilly - Series - This is the sequel to See You Later, Mary Freighter!, the second in the series. This one focuses on the homeless character Roberta and her abusive ex-boyfriend, Matthew, who is still stalking her for possession of his truck. We see some of his crazy behavior, which includes threatening Terry with a knife. This has the result of putting Terry on the same page with Roberta, and the stage is set for a new love story. Eventually the dilemma with Matthew and the truck is resolved in a quite unexpected way. 105 pages - doc, format
This is a complete mess. What did you use to format this? It's scattered everywhere.
Your first scene description is incredibly chunky. It's basically just a wall of text. It's the reason why I didn't bother to read the rest of the script...
You could have a dyanamite story here, but no-one will ever know because they can't jump over the first hurdle.
I would try to be a little more constructive Script Monkey.
This script isn't in a 'complete mess'. It's just the opening scene that looks chunky, the rest is pretty much readable. Nothing more than three lines on average per paragraph.
The slugs are fine and the font should be in Courier. The font size is correct and the characters should only be capitalised when they're introduce.
Bridget, download Celtx. This'll help you and can save in PDF.
Yea, It might be that. I've noticed some other things in this script also.
- There needs to be a space between scene headings and descriptions. (Could be a problem with my viewer) - 'It is the morning of June 26th.' Why is this in the scene description? Is this date of some importance? Don't forget, it's a visual medium, we don't know this unless it appears on screen. - I notice some words in the dialogue are italicised, I don't think you need to do that. - When you introduce a character for the first time, you do it in capitals. You don't need to capitalize their names from that point onwards.
I will vouch for Celtx, superb piece of software. I prefer Final Draft.. but Celtx is free and easy to use.
I haven't yet looked at the script on this site, to see what it looks like. I also am not too up on the software thing; I just use what's handy in my home computer (which is not internet-connected;; that may be part of the problem.) "This is the monring of June 26th": You may have noted that this script is the second in the series, continuing the story that was started in See You Later, Mary Freighter. So I see you didn't read the first one or you would know the significance of the date. Mary has a court date on June 26th because she got a ticket for public drinking; that's what it refers to. When I itailicize words, it's for emphasis. I thought that was pretty universal. I'm not sure what is meant by "chunky". I'll take a look at it. Bridget
OK, I just looked at it. I don't see what people mean by "a mess" and "chunky." It looks quite readable to me. Please be more specific; I don't see the problem. Bridget
Hey Bridget, I mean no insult when I say this, I mean for the good of your screenplay, witch, has an interesting plot, really it does. But the opening is a bit too long, i mean the opening sequence, if you could find a way to cut that down a bit, I think that might help.
Just my two cents, good luck.
Isle 10- A series I'm currently writing with my friend Adam and it will go into production soon. Think The Office meets 10 Items or Less.
Oh! One quick thing also, Word isn't a good way to write a script, this is GREAT software and it's online for free, trust me this is all worth it. And when your done with the script on the link i'm about to post, click "Export to PDF" as all scripts final copy IMO should be in a PDF format.
Well, hope this helps, remember, it's on the internet, you don't have to download
Aaron, when you say it has an "interesting plot", does that mean you read the whole thing? And you only had a problem with the opening paragraph? If so, that's a little more encouraging. In fact, I could delete that entire opening scene, as it's not really necessary for the story; I just thought it was a cute way to start out. Now, to correct a punctuation error in your last post: it should be "when you're done", not "when your done." This is typical of the kind of atrocious spelling and punctuation errors I've seen in a lot of scripts on this site, as well as the way younger people in general write nowadays. I am a stickler for such things, and it drives me nuts that people can't seem to get the basic mechanics of writing down any more. I am so good at that part, but not too hot with the formatting thing. Bridget
I haven't yet looked at the script on this site, to see what it looks like. I also am not too up on the software thing; I just use what's handy in my home computer (which is not internet-connected;; that may be part of the problem.) "This is the monring of June 26th": You may have noted that this script is the second in the series, continuing the story that was started in See You Later, Mary Freighter. So I see you didn't read the first one or you would know the significance of the date. Mary has a court date on June 26th because she got a ticket for public drinking; that's what it refers to. When I itailicize words, it's for emphasis. I thought that was pretty universal. I'm not sure what is meant by "chunky". I'll take a look at it. Bridget
But how do we know that it's June 26th unless we see it on screen? Remember it's a visual medium, you are writing in images.
To answer the last question: you won't immediately know it's June 26th until you read some of the dialogue that says Mary's court date is the next day. If you'd read the previous script you'd know what the court date is about. For the people who say I should download this software and that software, I'm not able to do that because I'm on a public access computer, and the one I have at home is not online. So unless there's some other way, people will have to make do with my using Word. I'll try to make changes I'm able to that people suggested, but I can't do it all immediately. I've been working on this series for almost three years and have a lot of material piled up. Bridget
If you could get a disc or cd rom, you could d-load celtx to that and install on your home computer. It's the best free software out there in my opinion.
^^ Download the software on the public computer, but save it to a USB data pen. You can buy them very cheaply of Ebay. Or, save it to a CD, then put it onto your computer.
Because formatting correctly in Word is very difficult to do.
Actually, now that I think of it, Celtx wouldn't be the best option on a comp with no internet connection. If memory serves, you have to be signed in to generate pdfs.
Try this as an alternative. I used it for a while back when I first started out and it's not too bad.
To answer the last question: you won't immediately know it's June 26th until you read some of the dialogue that says Mary's court date is the next day. If you'd read the previous script you'd know what the court date is about. For the people who say I should download this software and that software, I'm not able to do that because I'm on a public access computer, and the one I have at home is not online. So unless there's some other way, people will have to make do with my using Word. I'll try to make changes I'm able to that people suggested, but I can't do it all immediately. I've been working on this series for almost three years and have a lot of material piled up. Bridget
Bridget, you aren't answering the question. Why is it in the scene description? If you want something to be projected on screen you need to do it a certain way.
SUPERIMPOSE: <---- This way..
At the moment I can't get to the story because of all the format problems and bad description.
Script Monkey, It's not "bad description" you just have weird standards. When I was writing screenplays in the 1970's (were you born yet?) I wrote that very same way, and nobody ever said my descriptions were "bad." The standards were different then, you see. I lot has changed since I wrote my first script back in 1973. Furthermore, when I sent my Mary Freighter script to a professional agent, they had no problem at all with my formatting or my descriptions. They had other problems with it, but not with that. So there are other points of view, and you should watch your language. It's just not professional for you to say "bad." That's abusive language and you don't have to put it that way. But if you can't manage to read my story, never mind. Other people are. Bridget
Bridget, I'm going to list some of the problems in the script.
- There's no FADE IN: at the start of the script - You write stuff which can't be filmed
'There are at least a dozen people, including the familiar main characters plus several others who are a combination of MARY's neighbors, friends and relatives'
How do we know they are her freinds, or relatives? We don't, it can't be filmed, it's information which you don't need to include.
- You overwrite - You always put the characters name in CAPS - You italicize some dialogue. The actors aren't stupid. - You mix transitions with scene description - Example of poor description:
'ROBERTA and TERRY are sprawling on the cabover bed'
That doesn't even sound right, read it back to yourself.
- What is this?
'The camera may continue rolling while they undress and make love, or not'
This doesn't even make sense, you're giving the director a choice? What?... I don't even understand this.
It's poorly written Bridget, why won't you accept the criticism? It's criticism that I can back-up. It's not a personal attack on you.
I am going to quickly duck into this and then very quickly duck out again.
Bridget, from what I gather there have been huge changes in the way that spec scripts are formatted since the 70's. And I am sure it must be very difficult having been used to writing something one way to come back years later and discover it is now considered wrong. I feel for you on that.
I don't think anybody here has been in that situation and nobody here as far as I am aware i are the kinds of people who would purposely attack your script for no good reason. If they were believe me they do not last long around here!
Please do not take the criticism to heart and please do not leave here with a bad impression of these boards. Unfortunately you are going to have to reformat these scripts to what is considered to be the spec standard. Believe me, nobody important is going to read these scripts as they are written now. People will wrongly assume you do not know what you are doing. There is nothing you can do about that.
If you want help of getting the formatting right then use this site, ask questions and people will bend over backwards to help you. They really are a great bunch and are only trying to help. Stick around and you will see that.
So many different contradictory messages here, and I am getting tired of trying to answer all of them. Some people are being tacky. Of course I'm ultra-sensitive to criticism; that comes with the turf of being an artist! If no one can get past all the technical bullshit to see the messages of love and beauty in my scripts, then they simply don't know what they're missing. I have sent my stuff to people in the industry and gotten much more respectful treatment than I have gotten from some of the people on this board. They don't all have a problem with my format, so some of the things people have said here are just plain wrong. I have checked it out for myself. I can't download any software because my home computer is not online. So I'm going to continue with what I have. I'm doing my next script on Courier, but it's still in Word. I'm doing what I can, but unless somebody is willing to read my REAL story we don't have a whole lot to say.
That's where you fail to understand the industry Bridget. What your basically saying is: Format doesn't matter, I've got a great story and if you can't get past the format then you are being tacky and unconstructive.
And you're the one being a hypocrite. You tell me to mind my langauge yet you are swearing in your posts.
Of course I'm ultra-sensitive to criticism; that comes with the turf of being an artist!
Then you should ask Don to delete this thread cos' you're obviously not interested in any feedback. Either get your computer online and download Celtx or go out and buy a book about formatting cos' if you think we're wrong and your so-called industry buddies are right - then you're just deluding yourself.
Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
Hi, I'm a person here who's respected by some and respectful to others on these boards, and I can tell you that these people are very nice when it comes to helping people write better scripts. It may not seem like it, but really, and as cheesy as this sounds, deep down inside, they really want to help you make your script look in tip-top shape.
But there are some times in life where sometimes people don't fully comprehend what another is saying, and that seems to be a problem that continues to cycle around in this thread. You don't understand something and give your reason, which becomes something that us other Simply Scripts members don't fully understand. And it gets frustrating, I know, and people get mad at each other and we have to use our words. So don't mind some of the people who have snapped a bit at you in this thread, but you need to be able to understand why we're giving you the feedback that we're giving you.
I looked over the script and I can see why people say the format is off. Yes, it's supposed to be in the Courier font, we all know that. You've already heard that paragraphs are supposed to be no longer than five lines long, so why don't you go ahead and just find a sentence to end one paragraph, and then make the following sentence the beginning of a new paragraph. It's that simple. No cutting or anything, either. Just make sure it's no longer than five lines long. I don't know if my Word application did this, but there weren't spaces between the scene location and the descriptions. Just a fact, there needs to be one (way to state the obvious, I know). As far as format-format goes, if you continue to use Word, set the margins for dialogue at 2 1/2 inches and 6 inches. Just for dialogue though. And don't center it (you didn't in this script, but some people like to do that on Word).
I also noticed some people pointed out that you include things in the descriptions that don't need to be in there, such as telling us what is in there rather than showing us. If it's July, indicate that it's summer. Describe summer scenery in the descriptions, or, easy enough, say that everyone is dressed in shorts and short sleeve shirt, have a weather announcement say that the hot, summer weather is finally coming in, etc. And then you also tell us stuff that you can't shoot with a camera (like the whole 'these people are this person's friend, neighbor, relative, etc.) Since we can't see that, you need to show us through the characters' dialogues and how they interact with each other. If they talk to each other from one house to another, then we know they're neighbors. If they smile and laugh all the time when they're talking and know each others names, well, then they're friends. If they mention something about being their brother, sister, mother, etc. then they're relatives. Because when people watch a movie, they can't read the descriptions that have been written in the script, they watch the descriptions.
If you consider your scripts to be pieces of art, that's fantastic. It shows you have a lot of love for what you like to do. But I wouldn't consider writing scripts to be art...It's more like entertainment. You don't read a script, and then contemplate about it and try to find a hidden message inside it (unless that was what your purpose was...To hide a message in it, like a moral). They read it and say, "That was an entertaining read. It was able to keep my boredom from taking over." Stories, both long and short, poems, any type of literature from essays to stories to poems are more likely to be considered art because there's more character development in a story and poems are deep and thoughtful.
And I can understand why being an artist can cause unstable emotions when it comes to receiving criticism, but that's what's really one of the joys of being an artist. I'm one, I love to draw and paint, and I can't put down a drawing or painting or story or poem until I've received some feedback. If it's good, that's fantastic. If not, I want the person to explain what I need to fix in order to make it better, and not let my emotions get to me or it really makes me look like an ass. That's why you need to be able to stomach the stuff people say about your scripts. The reviews people have given you so far aren't good, but they're not harsh in any way. They're merely trying to give you tips on how to make your script better because that's what this site is for. None of us have written scripts in the 1970s before, but we know that scripts these days are written differently because we've seen actual scripts that have been shot and turned into theatrical motion pictures and we learned how to write scripts from seeing them. So please, don't be offended by the reviews we give you.
You have to understand that we're not trying to hurt your feelings, but we're trying to make you a better writer because it's something that you want to do, and we want to help. I want to apologize, and I'm speaking for most of the people who have spoken in this thread, and say we're sorry if we hurt you in any way. I hope this long post explains a lot of stuff both about your script and the people on this board and we really don't want to scare you off or make you hate us.
Now let's continue writing our scripts and reading others, people. Time's-a-wastin'.
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Your Rig or Mine?
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