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Apocalyptic by Luke - Short, Thriller - When Kevin gets home everything is fine. But the next morning when he wakes up; its vice versa. After being attacked by something, he is knocked out cold and wakes six days later. What's going on? -- A zombie, alien film with a twist. - pdf, format
This is really my first script. I worte it at first with the intension of it being full length, but changed my mind when ideas ran short and used the ideas i already had only broke them down.
So this is a 100 page script idea broken down into 20.
I read through the first page of this. I don't have time to read the whole thing now. A few comments on what I read:
"each filled with a liquefied crystals" the singular "a" followed by the plural "crystals"
"scientist's across the globe" should be scientists (no apostrophe needed)
"On their on, they begin traveling" should be "on their own"
"setting of an alarm" should be "setting off an alarm"
That's four errors on the first page. More than enough for a producer to stop reading.
These errors aside, the opening scene has a nice hook, I do feel compelled to read more and I will when I'm not at work. The format looks solid but it is kind of off-putting when you spot four errors on the first page of what otherwise looks like a promising script.
There are quite a few errors yes, like at one moment it should be quiet instead of quite :p This reminded me too much of other movies in this genre, the narration -> Res. Evil, the waking up bit -> 28 days later. Plus the obvious reference to Kevin Smith ;p I also didn't thought the vines were too... vicious enough, I mean it was almost like I didn't care what the vines did to the main characters. All in all I didn't liked it because of the vines, but the dialogue was ok, between Links and Kevin for the most.
It was a quick script. The vines were "agreed" not vicious enough, but aside from that i think the script was solid.
I admit that it has alot of errors, but i didn't think about sorting them out because "like i said" it was just a quick script for a kid who's got WAY TOO MUCH TIME on his hands.
P.S.
I really wasn't copying 28 days later or Resident Evil. I was trying to drive the idea away from the two. I think that's why i might have failed, i spent too much time thinking of fresh ideas to let the reader totally forget about those films.
I think if i put time into a second draft, i could come out with a pretty good script, but i can't be bothered. Right now i'm on a whole new project.
I'm making a short film that someone wrote and has gave me permission to shoot.
Thanks for the feedback. When i get a new script i'll take your advice on the spell checking.