Wow... Feel sorry for the owner. XD

Haha that ending was classic.  

I liked it.  For six pages, it was pretty entertaining.  

The ending was the best though.

Good job.  

Thanks for all the positive reviews everyone and i'm glad you all enjoyed it.
Should i make more shorts like this and put them all in one script?
(With different endings that is)

Go for it dude.  I for one will definately read it.  

Hey loved your script. I directed a short film two years ago at film school coincidentally
about a video store robery called Straight to Video.  Go figure. But i bet there are plenty more.

But i think your script was better than the film i made. Loved the ending

haha. I'm glad you like it.  

Andrew it was a good and pleasant reading, but please format it correctly, buddy!

Good idea. This was in the MS WORD days. Now i have FD.

This is some funny stuff. Great ending. The whole situation was kinda random though. Kinda wish the clerk had a different name ... just kidding.

great script, man. it had me cracking me up. for some reason I picture Benny being an old guy who looks kinda like Stanley Kubrick, lol. "You like whacking it man?" dunno why, but i couldn't stop laughing when I read that line

haha. thanks for checking it out.

I just submitted a new version which is in HTML format. I also added like some extra lines to it. Not much though. I just wanted it to be HTML so it would be an easier read.

Yeah, this does have a pretty good ending.  And a really good title too, by the way.  It is nice and short and reads pretty quick -- like a bullet haha.

Got some general thoughts (and Spoilers):

*  The first 4 paragraphs might be a bit chatty.
*  The names of new characters should be in CAPS.
*  Why is Benny wearing a name tag?  Maybe he should explain why?
*  I don't know if I would have James cry.  I thought he was handling himself pretty well up to this point.
*  Why do they shoot the lady but not the guy?  And some people might not like that -- shooting the lady -- you know?  Maybe reverse these roles, and let the chick live instead.
*  And why not describe the video store owner for us?  I mean the second one.

All of this builds up to a pretty nice conclusion, but the format is kinda' off.  You have lots of double spacing.  But I suspect the version you just submitted will have most of that cleaned up.

So sure (referring to your previous post), this would be good in a script of combined shorts.  If I'm not mistakin', you've got several short scripts floating around that all have a little something in common --

-- you could gather them up and call the script "Wanton Gunplay with Andrew"  

I kinda agree about the name tag thing. At first when I was reading it I got confused and thought he worked there or something.

haha yeah

is it bad to say i think my best writing so far is like 4 pages? hahaha

Quoted from Antemasque So what do you think overall of it? Good? Bad? Or What?

Yeah, I thought it was okay. You had a fairly interesting scene, with a couple of shootings, capped off with a nice twist. I can't think of anything else that would have made it better, so well done.