Greg, and Chris,
Thanks for taking a look at this little script. I thought I'd be able to do some work on it today, then got called in for a 13 hour work day... Oh, well...
This one is going to be changed quite a bit, but I'm still going to keep the theme of the story the same.
Thanks again for taking time to give it a read,
Cindy

Well, this one is available again.

I did get a couple short clips of this via e-mail, but the producer has been very busy, working on paying gigs.

I can understand his situation.

Anyone looking for a 4 page animation?

Cindy

What a weird little script. i liked it. You really know how to tell a story Cindy! Do you have any more shorts? 8 out of 10

Thanks Zack.  

I have two shorts that I am pretty happy with. One of them is on this site titled, "Tattoo". You might like it.

Thanks for the read,
Cindy

Hey, I just read your quick short. It was really good, and got me thinking about a lot of things. A script that gets me thinking is a great one, and that's what won me over. And your ability to tell a story without dialogue is magnificent.

Great job!

Phife

Thanks for giving this one a read Phife.

I had forgotten about this script. Wrote it three years ago, and it has been sitting. It was one of my first scripts I ever wrote.

There was someone who was interested enough in it to produce it a while ago, but it ended up being too much work along side of his other projects, so he dropped it...

Oh well...

Glad you liked it.

I opened it after your reply... The formatting from word to rtf looks really bad.  
Looks like I'm going to do a rewrite on this one now.  

I do have a new short, "Home for Christmas" that will be on the boards soon.

Thanks again for giving it a read,

Cindy

Hey Cindy,


Well, this one was at the top of the shorts page and I decided to do a little reading starting with shorts and soon move to features (since I haven't read any features in a long time; school was eating up my schedule).

So, this is one of your old scripts, considering it was written two years ago. The formatting, yes, a bit off, but that's understandable. I wonder how many people pointed that out (P.S. I didn't read most of the previous comments).

I really liked this one, though. Nice way to use the eye on the dollar bill and how it shows sympathy for everything it sees, from the girl in the dump to the hobo who gets shot...which was a confusing part:

Quoted Text EXT ALLEYWAY - DAY A young MAN, 20s, slows from a run. In his hand, a purse. He opens the purse, riffles through it. BEHIND THE DUMPSTER A dollar bill by his foot. The man takes the dollar. BANG! He falls back. Blood flows from a gunshot wound in his forehead. The young man stands before him with a gun in his hand. He takes the money.

That really confused me. Since there were two men, I didn't know who got shot, so I'm assuming it was the hobo and that the robber got away with the dollar.

This was a really neat script and it was cool how you told a story with no dialogue. Good job.

Sean

Simple, straightforward, and with an easy to understand message.  I recall there was a politcal message in the one week challenge, but where that threw me off the one week challenge story, it works very well here.  I like the use of the eye and over the top situations (i.e. 80% unemployment!) to tell the story and reveal the message.

I would have liked to see if there were bills all over the world (pound notes, euros, etc.) in the same situation.  This was U.S.-centric, but the end was the whole world going in the garbage, so I wonder if a brief, world view before the final image might sell it even better.

Hey Sean,

I cringed when I saw that someone had read this old script again because it is so old, and I knew the formatting would be way off.

I did a rewrite on it last night, to try and make myself feel better.   It's much clearer now (who shot whom) and it looks 100 percent better on paper.
I'll have to send it in to Don.

Thanks for giving it a read.

EBurke73

Thank you for giving this a read, too.
You have brought up a good point about the bill and different parts of the world.
In the rewrite I did last night (if you read it) it's going to be more of a universal cleansing. God sending a single bill to different planets.

I've got it trimmed down to four pages now, too.

Thanks again for the read.

Cindy

I remember reading this years ago, before I became a member, hence I didn't leave a review.  

Anyway after reading it again I came to the same conclusion, I think.  I loved it.  It's very touching but I seem to remember someone once commenting that this was gonna be produced as an animation?  Am I confusing this with something else?

Anywho loved it.

Hey Alffy,

Thanks for giving this one a read.
I had to do a rewrite on it since it popped up again and I was mortified by the format.

Yes, it was going to be produced (in animation) but the producer had to stop and work on things that brought him money...

Still looking to get it produced though.

I did get a request from someone else to have a look at it so who knows.

Thanks again for the read,
Cindy

Hey,

I thought this was alright. I think for what you were going for you really succeeded, but I found it a little depressing.

I was confused about having us experience everything through the bill though. Based on the other posts I have gathered that the eye on the bill was supposed to represent God? While reading through it I didn't get that at all. If it's important for you to get that point across maybe you should work on that. I think it works fine with out, but I think some people, like me are going to be confused by it. Having us see a benevolent God take the form of a bill adds some nice irony though. Good job on that.

So, overall well written, nice concept, kind of cute in its on way, and a downer.
Nice job.

sheepwalker  

Hey sheepwalker,

Thanks for giving this one a read.

The all-seeing eye, as it is referred to, wasn't supposed to be God.

It was just his way of having a look around...

I got the idea for this script from a painting that my son-in-law had done of the planet suspended by a string. I thought to myself, I wonder what it would take for God to cut through the string.

I know it's depressing. We are destroying the planet.

Hopefully it will make people think. Even if there were the tinest change, it could be infectious.

Thanks for giving this a read,

Cindy

Hey Cindy,

All in all, I did like this story.  I agree with some of the others that the theme came across very well without having any dialogue whatsoever in it.

Unfortunately, I've only discovered Simply Scripts a few months ago, so I missed the release of the earlier version of 'Garbage', where you claim there were horrible formatting errors.  (And maybe that's why I didn't understand the 80% thing other people had commented about, which I'm guessing in an earlier draft, you stated that unemployment was at 80%?)From the version that I've read, it looks like you cleaned most of those up.  Most of them anyway.  There was, on the last page, a part that I had to read a few times to understand it, but it wasn't a big mistake.
-
(EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY

A MAN (20s) slows from a run. In his hand, a purse. He opens
the purse, and riffles through it.

BEHIND THE DUMPSTER

A dollar bill at his foot.)
-

I didn't understand whose foot the dollar bill was at.  The twenty-something year-old junkie, or the hobo's.  I really didn't understand that the two were near each other.  But, like I had said, it's no real biggie as I understood it with a re-read.  (Also, and I don't mean to be a stickler, there should be no coma between 'purse' and 'and' when you say 'He opens the purse, and riffles through it.'  (And I think you meant 'rifle' instead of 'riffle', since riffle is a way of shuffling cards, and 'rifle' means to ransack and rob.))

But as for the story, I think it was very strong and I received the message and moral of the story very clearly.  (I loved the tear while the little girl was eating garbage.)  And I know you didn't show it, but I could almost see George Washington shaking his head with a 'what the f*ck' look on his face when we read how 'President vacations while unemployment skyrockets'.

Thanks for entertaining me for a couple minutes and I do plan on finding your other stories on this site and giving them a read.  I actually have read 'Home for Christmas', but I haven't posted a comment about it yet because I'm still thinking about it.  Don't worry, I did like it, so don't expect to get a negative review from me.  I'm just, still thinking what to say about it.  (I'm hoping to post a reply to it by tomorrow.)

Anyway, I hope you have a happy New Year.

- Mark

Hey Mark,

Thanks for giving this one a read.

Oh yes, the other draft looked awful. Thanks for catching the type o's.   They were over looked in my haste to replace the script.

I'm glad you liked the story though.

I just wanted to say thanks to all who have read this.

I'll return the favor after I read a feature that I promised someone I would read.

Cindy