Woman, First by Graham Murray - Short - The discovery of a 70,000 year old woman was just the Beginning. Her arrival could shake our civilization to its core.  - pdf, format

Hey Graham,

Welcome to Simply Scripts.   Hey all this is a fun little one pager.  You'll enjoy it.

One page from fade in to the end?

Bravo!

Gary

SPOILERS!!!!


I've never read a one page script before. My only problem is i have no idea what Eve is doing in ice. I thought they were in a paradise, not the north pole.

For a one pager, it's pretty good though. which is farken impressive. I read this a Circalit yesterday. Didn't comment over there. I don't. Popularity contest, but i see your script is winning and why...  It's one page long.

James

One page scripts are very hard to write; I thought this was one of the better ones I've seen.  Nicely done.


Phil

Too the writer...

This is the problem with one page, "Epics," it's tough to pull off a good story.  I've read one much better then what you have here.  "Dangerous World," by PC. The dialogue alone was very good.

You may think you have a story... but to be honest, you really don't.

This did nothing for me.  You really don't need, "The End," and I'd question your sluglines as well.

I understand you're new here... welcome... greetings... and good cheer.  Either or... I'm done here.

Good Luck

Ghostwriter

  

Is the writer around for feedback?

(o:

Yes, that's a bit of an inside joke...

Ghostwriter, you are very kind!     I personally think End Of The Tour is better.

Story wise I think this one leaves too many questions to be great. If the woman is 70 000 years old, why is she Arab looking? Also, if she is Arab, why is she in ice? I'm assuming these guys found this block of ice not too long ago. In other words they must have found her someplace cold. That would be pretty far from any Arab type areas. I have a hard imagining a lot of travel over long distances by this woman that long ago. Lastly, if she is the first human, how would she know about Adam? Doesn'nt that point to him already existing? In other words, how do we know he didn't come first?

Maybe I'm reading too much into this one pager?  

An interesting idea, Graham. Not much to pick at here due to its brevity but a pretty decent one pager nonethless.

Quoted from Grandma Bear Story wise I think this one leaves too many questions to be great. If the woman is 70 000 years old, why is she Arab looking? Also, if she is Arab, why is she in ice? I'm assuming these guys found this block of ice not too long ago. In other words they must have found her someplace cold. That would be pretty far from any Arab type areas. I have a hard imagining a lot of travel over long distances by this woman that long ago. Lastly, if she is the first human, how would she know about Adam? Doesn'nt that point to him already existing? In other words, how do we know he didn't come first?

According to popular science, humankind originated around the Middle East and Northern Africa. The first humans travelled via the Middle East to explore the rest of the world, covering huge distances over many years to discover Western Europe, Eastern Asia, Australia and the Americas. So it’s very likely that they could’ve been this race and colour.

Not sure about other Middle Eastern countries but I know for a fact that Pakistan gets lots of snow in northern areas.

In terms of the mysterious gentleman referred to as "Adam"...that's anybody's guess.

This script is currently the No.1 short on Circalit.

A simple click on the 'fan' button has pushed this script to the top.

Not fair on the other writers with much longer scripts.

And that's why the ranking system sucks.

Dear Col,  I know that stuff... This was however supposed to be the first woman/human and I only questioned if she would have traveled that far on her own.

Sort of interesting, and certainly not bad for a page.

What I do not get is this part:

Quoted from Tom, in the script It's almost as if she recognizes you....

But she called him Adam, not Eric.  Where does Tom get recognition from that?

Up the irony a bit with a simple name change.  Name your guy Adam instead of Eric and I do not think your ending will be spoiled -- and it might even be a little improved.

Quoted from Grandma Bear Dear Col,  I know that stuff... This was however supposed to be the first woman/human and I only questioned if she would have traveled that far on her own.

Maybe she had a fight with her man, they were on a "break" and she needed to get away. I know plenty of women who have travelled many, many miles to be rid of my a?s.

Sorry folks, I hadn't realized this had even been accepted! So many replies - all interesting. The scripts has been changed since posting, i.e. Eric is now Andrew (for reasons already noticed)
The last ice age was around 70,000 ago, hence the ice.
Yes, the woman would have Arabic looks.
Best not to read too much into it - it's just a story with a punchline that leaves the reader wondering . . . is she Eve?
Many thanks for all the (surprising) responses! Much appreciated.

Thanks for the read, bert.

Yeah, I changed the script regarding that. He is now called Andrew. AJscreenworks pointed this out, too.

I couldn't come up with another male name beginning "Ad--".

'Adonis' just wouldn't hack it

Graham

Quoted from jayrex This script is currently the No.1 short on Circalit. A simple click on the 'fan' button has pushed this script to the top. Not fair on the other writers with much longer scripts. And that's why the ranking system sucks.

jayrex - nah, Anthony's Fifteen Minutes has now topped it. You're right, the system does seem a bit weird. Funny thing, another jayrex voted for this one over at Circalit.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 An interesting idea, Graham. Not much to pick at here due to its brevity but a pretty decent one pager nonethless. According to popular science, humankind originated around the Middle East and Northern Africa. The first humans travelled via the Middle East to explore the rest of the world, covering huge distances over many years to discover Western Europe, Eastern Asia, Australia and the Americas. So it’s very likely that they could’ve been this race and colour. Not sure about other Middle Eastern countries but I know for a fact that Pakistan gets lots of snow in northern areas. In terms of the mysterious gentleman referred to as "Adam"...that's anybody's guess.

Cheers colkurtz

There is apparently an ice age every 30,00 years or so. Using poetic license, we deliberately don't know where she was found. Drifted, perhaps? An ice floe?

If she is Eve, then the ONLY man she would know is of course, Adam. She would therefore assume the FIRST man she saw to be Adam. But she falters . . . unsure.
We disregard Cain and Abel here.

Thanks for the read and comments - much appreciated

Quoted from grademan One page from fade in to the end? Bravo! Gary

Gary

Yes, a whole one page. May as well have been 100 the trouble it gave me!

Graham

Quoted from jwent6688 SPOILERS!!!! I've never read a one page script before. My only problem is i have no idea what Eve is doing in ice. I thought they were in a paradise, not the north pole. For a one pager, it's pretty good though. which is farken impressive. I read this a Circalit yesterday. Didn't comment over there. I don't. Popularity contest, but i see your script is winning and why...  It's one page long. James

Thanks James

It is based on the last but one ice age - around 70,000 years ago. Give or take a few centuries.

Cheers for reading though.

I had an issue with her being in ice too. Not because of the last ice age, but because the scientists must have found her in ice at present time and there are only so many places covered in ice nowadays...  Good luck at Circalit though.  

Thanks, me

We'll just to assume that they found her in an icy region. How she got there is open to speculation. Maybe she was 'put' there?

Thanks for reading though. Must have taken ages  

(wink, wink, say no mowah!)

I like this script there isn't much to coment on.  good job.
                                                                            DREW

Just read it. I enjoyed it, think it's pretty good.

The bit when she 'recognizes Adam' is pretty funny. Maybe you could rename Eric and find a name close to 'Adam' - this way when Tom says "she almost recognizes you" we wouldn't think twice - I couldn't understand at first why he is saying that at all. I know he means that she touches your hand and looks at you so tenderly that it's almost as if she recognizes you but still... At first I couldn't understand that part.

Hey I am late coming to this discussion but I just read this now so here are my two cents.

My first impressions were, "what did the title have to do with the woman"? The title appears to making a statement, that the story doesn't really flush out.

I can assume that she might have been Eve uncovered in ice. However if this is a biblical reference than she couldn't have been more than 10,000 years old. Hence how was she able to be frozen in ice?

Eric's remark hinted that there might be some religious undertones, but once again the story never really explores it.

This short didn't work for me because IMO it lacked a story but maybe I am missing the point.

If I am wrong about the biblical reference, then I must question the accuracy of your historical claims about man and the "last ice age".

I can be totally wrong about this but, according to the National Geographic report, Man moved out of Africa around 60,000 years ago. That is 10,000 years after the last ice age. IMO the woman would have looked more Northern African than Semtic.

The last glacial ice age ended apoximately 12,000 years ago of the current ice age. And these glaciers covered most of North America and Asia.  

Once again if I am wrong about any of these please correct me.

Oh my goodness. You people are hilarious!

Let me break it down for you:

The woman is Eve. She was frozen because she was the first woman on earth, and apparently when the ice age hit, she was forzen.

Where was she at the time? Wherever the ice age hit.

Eve was coppered skin because that's what the writer decided he wanted Eve to be, no matter if it's true or not. Is it really that hard to comprehend? Jeez!

Great job. Simple sotry, that I FULLY understood.  Smh...

Lots of plot potential here for this writer.  This story brings out the imagination in its readers.

Did Eve wind up in the ice block because Lilith had her revenge on Adam's second wife?

Was it actually Eve in the block?  The woman's description sounds more like Lilith's.
And according to Jewish legend, Lilith was the first woman.

If Eve was Arabic-looking, was Adam a caucasion?

If so, do their different looks explain the various ethnic looks of their future offspring?

Adam was said to have sired children with Lilith when she attacked him in his sleep.  Did his children by Lilith become the wives of his surviving sons?  Okay, I always pondered on this scenario.

Could being in the ice have affected Eve's eyesight?  Which could explain why she thought the shadowy figure in front of her might be Adam.

Global warming could explain how the ice block was found.  It was originally deep inside an iceberg or glacier.

When Eve was cast out of Paradise, did she wind up in a very cold place?

Is Eve actually a human being at all?  Could she be a space alien who got caught in the Ice Age?  Cryogenics  doesn't work on humans, after all.

If she is an alien, did she put herself in suspended animation?

Adrian (meaning dark) is another masculine name that starts with Ad.  Though Andrew and Adam both mean man (with Adam meaning man of the red earth).

Can you tell that I have a book of baby names with explanations of what they mean?

Quoted from Jean-Pierre Chapoteau Oh my goodness. You people are hilarious!

Thanks, think I'm funny myself. Especially after a couple of cocktails.

Let me break it down for YOU:

Quoted from smartest man on earth The woman is Eve. She was frozen because she was the first woman on earth, and apparently when the ice age hit, she was forzen.

Pretty sure most of us ritards got that.

Quoted from captain not so obvious Where was she at the time? Wherever the ice age hit.

If Adam and Eve froze, how did they procreate the species? Did their child have a snow mobile?  Also, the existence of man is believed to begin in Ice age by the missing link. Not Adam and Eve. So we're not even sure about when we came to the earth. As completely evolved humans.

Quoted from read a book Eve was coppered skin because that's what the writer decided he wanted Eve to be, no matter if it's true or not. Is it really that hard to comprehend? Jeez!

Almost all history has man starting in the middle east. Copper skin would be proper for this environment.

Glad you came to the party though. Love a good discussion about evolution. Load your guns a little better. Might not be so easy to slap back at ya.

Cheers, James