SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 5th, 2020, 7:03am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for 2019 - 2020 award consideration

The Se7en Week Challenge script are due to March 2020 Challenge page by April 20th at midnight (edt)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  In Sheepskin - A Babz WOL script Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    In Sheepskin - A Babz WOL script  (currently 1935 views)
Don
Posted: August 18th, 2010, 7:01pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13557
Posts Per Day
1.93
In Sheepskin by Sean Chipman (Mr. Blonde) - Short, Drama - A police officer tries to get a confession out of a murder suspect. 6 pages A WOL Script - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
Dreamscale
Posted: August 18th, 2010, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11138
Posts Per Day
2.47
Hey Sean, glad to see another WOL script.  Was this entered on time, or after the fact?  Just wondering...

Anyway, uhhh...it's not bad, by any means, but it just feels rather pedestrian.  Pretty much the same script as Shelton's, but you did infuse a few Flashbacks, which are nice, but then again, none of your Flashbacks really showed much.

Just kind of flatline for me.  Not much happened...everything was kind of explained through dialogue, or inferred.

It just didn't do much for me, sorry to say, but again, good to see the effort for sure!


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 8
screenrider
Posted: August 18th, 2010, 8:09pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



If I was to pick a winner out of all the entries, this one would be it.  It was dark, clever, comedic and believable.  

Well done, Mr. Blonde.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 2 - 8
Mr. Blonde
Posted: August 18th, 2010, 8:39pm Report to Moderator
Moderator


What good are choices if they're all bad?

Location
Nowhere special.
Posts
2553
Posts Per Day
0.65
@Jeff:

I'm not sure. I finished it on Saturday and put it up the same day. I don't know when the contest started or ended. I just wrote it because I thought it was a challenge, not a contest.

I appreciate the read and as I can tell from your reviews of my other things, you're not really a fan of my style and that's cool. I'm surprised anybody is, to be honest. And the reason the flashbacks, or story in general didn't show any attacks was because I was going for a PG-13 here because the song had a PG-13 beat to it. Seemed out of place to go overboard on this, so I didn't put any swearing in either.

Just glad to give another WOL script whether it was well-received or not.

@Screenrider:

Thank you for reading and I'm really glad you thought so highly of it. You said what you think but didn't really give examples, so I'll just go with you liking it all. Puts a smile on both of our faces, doesn't it?

Now, the bad news. After re-reading it just now, I wanted to do something in the script that I completely forgot and it's going to piss me off, now. After he gets up and combs his hair again, I meant for him to have the last line, "Perfect." before the cut to black but I forgot. Oh well. I've learned my lesson on re-reading again and again to find everything I may be missing before I submit next time.

P.S. Not to whore anything, but I uploaded a script the day before this one which I'm expecting to be completely trahed. Can't wait for that one. Lol.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 8
grademan
Posted: August 19th, 2010, 8:16am Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
Wisconsin
Posts
877
Posts Per Day
0.22
Mr. Blonde,

I've read this twice and still don't know whether I liked it or not. It was interesting to see David as the preening criminal who doesn't think it's his fault. Jim was lackluster as the interviewing cop.

As for your missing last line, I think it would be redundant. The visual of David combing his hair works for me.

Good effort.

Gary
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 8
_ghostwriters
Posted: August 19th, 2010, 9:29pm Report to Moderator
Regular


I am a writer first and a critic second.

Location
A helluva long way from LA
Posts
964
Posts Per Day
0.24
Mr. Blonde...

How the heck are you?  It's nice to see everyone's spin on things, and yours is no different.  I was glad to see the flashbacks... get us out of the room.   I may have toughen up that detective.  But I have no dog in this fight... overall, I thought everyone succeeded.

Good Job

Ghostwriter


"When I dive... I go deep, only to surface the hub when necessary."

Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 8
jayrex
Posted: August 22nd, 2010, 1:28pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1395
Posts Per Day
0.28
Not sure what to make of this entry.  It's not bad, but not great either.  The story seemed bland to me and I wasn't pulled in.

Reading over the lyrics of the song again, I can see you haven't incorporated everything from the lyrics.

An okay effort.


Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 6 - 8
tailbest
Posted: August 23rd, 2010, 10:15am Report to Moderator
New-ish



Location
Christ, I can't find it.
Posts
80
Posts Per Day
0.02
Hey Sean,

Just read your script. I thought it was decent but could have been a bit more. I liked the personality you gave to David. A man who really doesn't seem to be taken aback by charges of murder against him. The cop is very stereotypical. I thought him getting aggravated with David happened way too quick. A decent short. Not much more to say. Keep it up.

tailbest


"Why don't we just...wait here for a little while...see what happens?"

MY WORK

2 versions of my short script: "Writer's Block"? Why not.

Version 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmMqDVoAwCA

Version 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuSg1vZ50GQ

My lame webpage: http://tailbest.blogspot.com/
Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 8
CindyLKeller
Posted: August 23rd, 2010, 10:50am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1419
Posts Per Day
0.24
Hi Sean,

Just finished reading.

You know, I'd love to rip your lungs out right now.
You would, huh?
Of course not, man. I think that would be downright mean.

Hahaha!
That was hysterical.

Nothing bad to say, but you've got some extra commas in there... Something I've been working on myself. I hate commas.

Unlike tailbest, I don't think Jim (the cop) got aggrivated with David too soon. I mean the cops found this smart ass guy covered in blood, and sitting by a bloody, mulitated old lady.

And I think if David was to say "perfect" at the end, it would make me smile.  

Good entry,
Cindy




Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 8
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006