In Sheepskin by Sean Chipman (Mr. Blonde) - Short, Drama - A police officer tries to get a confession out of a murder suspect. 6 pages A WOL Script - pdf, format

Hey Sean, glad to see another WOL script.  Was this entered on time, or after the fact?  Just wondering...

Anyway, uhhh...it's not bad, by any means, but it just feels rather pedestrian.  Pretty much the same script as Shelton's, but you did infuse a few Flashbacks, which are nice, but then again, none of your Flashbacks really showed much.

Just kind of flatline for me.  Not much happened...everything was kind of explained through dialogue, or inferred.

It just didn't do much for me, sorry to say, but again, good to see the effort for sure!

If I was to pick a winner out of all the entries, this one would be it.  It was dark, clever, comedic and believable.  

Well done, Mr. Blonde.

@Jeff:

I'm not sure. I finished it on Saturday and put it up the same day. I don't know when the contest started or ended. I just wrote it because I thought it was a challenge, not a contest.

I appreciate the read and as I can tell from your reviews of my other things, you're not really a fan of my style and that's cool. I'm surprised anybody is, to be honest. And the reason the flashbacks, or story in general didn't show any attacks was because I was going for a PG-13 here because the song had a PG-13 beat to it. Seemed out of place to go overboard on this, so I didn't put any swearing in either.

Just glad to give another WOL script whether it was well-received or not.

@Screenrider:

Thank you for reading and I'm really glad you thought so highly of it. You said what you think but didn't really give examples, so I'll just go with you liking it all. Puts a smile on both of our faces, doesn't it?

Now, the bad news. After re-reading it just now, I wanted to do something in the script that I completely forgot and it's going to piss me off, now. After he gets up and combs his hair again, I meant for him to have the last line, "Perfect." before the cut to black but I forgot. Oh well. I've learned my lesson on re-reading again and again to find everything I may be missing before I submit next time.

P.S. Not to whore anything, but I uploaded a script the day before this one which I'm expecting to be completely trahed. Can't wait for that one. Lol.

Mr. Blonde,

I've read this twice and still don't know whether I liked it or not. It was interesting to see David as the preening criminal who doesn't think it's his fault. Jim was lackluster as the interviewing cop.

As for your missing last line, I think it would be redundant. The visual of David combing his hair works for me.

Good effort.

Gary

Mr. Blonde...

How the heck are you?  It's nice to see everyone's spin on things, and yours is no different.  I was glad to see the flashbacks... get us out of the room.   I may have toughen up that detective.  But I have no dog in this fight... overall, I thought everyone succeeded.

Good Job

Ghostwriter

Not sure what to make of this entry.  It's not bad, but not great either.  The story seemed bland to me and I wasn't pulled in.

Reading over the lyrics of the song again, I can see you haven't incorporated everything from the lyrics.

An okay effort.

Hey Sean,

Just read your script. I thought it was decent but could have been a bit more. I liked the personality you gave to David. A man who really doesn't seem to be taken aback by charges of murder against him. The cop is very stereotypical. I thought him getting aggravated with David happened way too quick. A decent short. Not much more to say. Keep it up.

tailbest

Hi Sean,

Just finished reading.

You know, I'd love to rip your lungs out right now.
You would, huh?
Of course not, man. I think that would be downright mean.

Hahaha!
That was hysterical.

Nothing bad to say, but you've got some extra commas in there... Something I've been working on myself. I hate commas.

Unlike tailbest, I don't think Jim (the cop) got aggrivated with David too soon. I mean the cops found this smart ass guy covered in blood, and sitting by a bloody, mulitated old lady.

And I think if David was to say "perfect" at the end, it would make me smile.  

Good entry,
Cindy