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Cleanup Crew by Darren J Seeley - Short, Horror, Dark Comedy - In an unoccupied room, three present day hotel employees have to follow a strict set of rules and a ticking clock as they clean up a tub filled with blood, under the supervision of a phantom detective who died in the 1940's. 13 pages - pdf, format
Thanks for posting this script. I enjoyed the read. The ending drops off for me too, just an FYI. I like the flow of your story. I felt the decor could use a bit more description. I don't know why but I kept expecting the decor in the bathroom to be vintage. The script works, I just want more, so, that's a compliment, I think. =p At times, it feels like an opening to a bigger story. I hope someday you write it. Clean dialog, nothing on the nose or cheesy, kudos mate!
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I didn't take notes, but noticed alot of mistakes...missing commas, really awkward sentences, typos, incorrect verb tense, and some other stuff along those lines.
The font you're using looks odd to me...especially the page numbers (and you don't want to number page 1, actually).
Why do you have periods in your Slugs?
Very dialogue heavy script here...too heavy for me. IMO, it didn't really go anywhere, either, and the huge dialogue blocks don't look good or read well.
Biggest issue for me though, is the story itself. I don't get it...at all. Not only don't I get it, but it's just dull and silly, IMO. Maybe I'm missing something, I don't know, but this does not work for me, sorry to say.
To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.