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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›   Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: November 11th, 2010, 9:12pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Way I Like It by Darren J Seeley (darrenjamesseeley) - Short, Drama - Despite hanging out at the same nightclub for months and for different reasons, two mismatched people finally notice each other 17 pages - pdf, format


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Craiger6
Posted: November 12th, 2010, 6:11pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Darren,

I just gave this one a read.  On the plus side, it was a really quick read for 17 pages, and I thought your dialouge was very crisp and real.  I think you did a very good job of capturing Gina and her club friends, so kudos for that.

I guess my biggest issue, and it may not even be your fault, is that I'm pretty confused as to what went on.  As I said, it could just be me, and I'd be interested to see what others feel, but I think I missed what you were ultimately going for.

The scene where Chauche is standing, along with 10 other men, before a wall of bricks that are cell phones just went right over my head.

Again, I thought this was well written, but ultimately, I guess I just didn't get it.  Anyway, good luck.

Craig

P.S.  On page 14 - you have the following text in different font than the rest fo the script.

Gina's face goes blank.
She looks back as Chauche steps up with his camera bag
and two drinks.


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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: November 13th, 2010, 2:31pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Craiger6
Hey Darren,


I guess my biggest issue, and it may not even be your fault, is that I'm pretty confused as to what went on.  As I said, it could just be me, and I'd be interested to see what others feel, but I think I missed what you were ultimately going for.

The scene where Chauche is standing, along with 10 other men, before a wall of bricks that are cell phones just went right over my head.

.


Thanks for the read, Craig.

I am considering to drop the two "dream fantasy" moments, even though they were set up for surreal purposes. That's not your fault. It is mine.


Quoted Text


P.S.  On page 14 - you have the following text in different font than the rest fo the script.

Gina's face goes blank.
She looks back as Chauche steps up with ...


I was about to fix it, but then I noted it was in courier. I checked my pdf, nothing changed. I downloaded the copy from here, checked. There is no font change. It is 12 pt courier.
Now, I noticed that my title page got messed up font-wise, and I'm sure the Orwellian Thought Police here will rake me over hot coals for that piddly little gaffe.

It is possible that it is a carryover from Final Draft as the pdf translation makes the courier font a slight bit darker for some reason---and folks here lose their freaking minds when there's nothing wrong with it as it is still a courier font. But that's my best guess.

Other than that, I am clueless.

-DjS







"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
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Craiger6
Posted: November 13th, 2010, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
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"I was about to fix it, but then I noted it was in courier. I checked my pdf, nothing changed. I downloaded the copy from here, checked. There is no font change. It is 12 pt courier."

Hey Darren,

That's my bad.  I guess I mispoke.  The font is probably the same, but it appears that the text is bolded.  At least on the PDF that I read yesterday.  

I try not to get too caught up in formatting, but, as you said, others do, so I figured I'd point it out.

Craig

P.S. Again, others may pick up on what you were shooting for, so I wouldn't go making any chages based just on my review.  See what others have to say.


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