Quoted from Forgive You're entitled to selectively ignore Dreamscale. A disaster it wasn't, sloppy it was. For some reason, your action way of writing is far better than your dialogue - action wise, there were errors, but your instinct for this part of the script was good - for some reason, your innate understanding of dialogue is miles off. Try some excercises - listen to what people really say, and then try writing them down - or get someone else to concentrate on dialogue. Story-wise, I felt it was an intriguing start, but really it goes nowhere. Did you have a clear idea of the beginning, middle and end before you started?

Hey SiColl007 thanks for reading my script. I haven't looked at this script in months. I agree with everything you said. The dialogue sucks, the plot is a little thin. I wrote it as a character study based on another character.

hey Eric,

you've read several of my scripts, so i was happy to return the favor.

unfortunately theres not much to add that hasnt already been said. theres a lot of mistakes with your formatting, so you definitely need to fix that. i hate to say this, but i too thought English was your second language until you specified that it wasnt.

now formatting and grammar aside, i still had issues with your characters, story, dialogue, etc. the story is difficult to follow, but like you said, this is a small piece of a larger story. sorry to say, but this story does not stand up on its own. it feels incomplete.

overall, im just going to forget about this one. you've been super positive about everyone else's scripts and your enthusiasm is appreciated. with that said, i will happily read your next script and/or any other edits that you make for this one. in the meantime, id let this one fizzle out on its own.

thanks for sharing!