Glasgow! Never been there, but I wrote a trilogy of shorts that uses the city as its setting. Researched it online, but I doubt I got very close to capturing it. I've never even been to UK. But Glasgow will always have a place in my heart now.

Lots of interesting feedback here, so I thought I'd put by worth in: So is it good or bad?

Overall it's a good short, which as some have said does fail somewhat in the third act - I feel that there is a little too much going on here, the writer has tried to cram too much in - it requires a simple, effective punch - a knock-out blow instead of lots of mini-taps.

The key weakness to this script is the old issue of who's story it is. And it really should be Graves' story - and this is where it fails (it fails somewhat as a script here, and this weakness is likely to be inherited by the film).

Graves is weakly written - in the dialogue exchanges with Reid, Reid is the more interesting character - Graves is too often portrayed in the passive. Graves is not intelligent enough and his questions are not searching enough. He really needs to be re-written, so that the Reid-Graves exchanges are a challenge, not a passing interest.

This is in part why the ending, the third act is disappointing - what happens to Graves? Nothing really, he kind of disappears into a forest with his mentor. We end on Reid being a little yellow-eyed. If this is Graves' story, then we near clarity on what Graves' state is in the end - there has to be a clear statement, not a vagueness.

So, in summary, please down-grade TheSecond's comments  , and consider a bit of a rework. IMO. And it is a good story, there's just a better one waiting to get out.

Hello Stuart,

Good to see a new thread getting some attention.
I can see how the brew ha-ha got started with unconditional praise.
I read the script and can't say I share that unabashed sentiment.
Dreamscale's thorough examination of format and grammar errors covers it.
I had many fundamental problems with getting through the read.
You have to differentiate between locations in slugs.
Assign characters names to generic locations, such as bedroom, etc.

The first half was mostly talking head exposition.
I got through it, but the delivery of information left me cold.
The second half has some decent, but confusing, action.
Explain less, show me more, screenplays are a blueprint for a visual medium.

I didn't get at all why Graves and Reid were "connected".
And swiping the Devil line from "The Usual Suspects" just plain stunk, IMO.
Unless, by happenstance, you came up with the exact same line on your own.

I think if you refine the format and character dynamics, this could work well.

Thanks for posting, hope this helps.
Regards,
E.D.

Hey, again thanks for all the feedback, I'm taking it on board for the rewrite. I understand everyone means by the formatting issues and my over-describing of certain elements in a scene i.e. they stand in the office.

One thing actually I wouldn't mind some advice on. The first dream sequence when Reid runs along the path and kills the man is all supposed to be from Reid's POV. I didn't write it explicitly explaining it was a POV because I thought that deciding if shots were POV or not is the decision of the director or not. I'll put it in the next rewrite, but are you allowed to put in a script that a certain sequence is a POV if it really is meant to be in the writer's mind, or are you meant to leave it for the director to decide?

Quoted from scmower if shots were POV or not is the decision of the director or not. I'll put it in the next rewrite, but are you allowed to put in a script that a certain sequence is a POV if it really is meant to be in the writer's mind, or are you meant to leave it for the director to decide?

Unless it a fundamental requirement of the scene - I'd say leave it out.

Any form of directing is discouraged, but using POV's is definitely acceptable, especially in a situation like this, where it's pretty much required.

I'm pretty sure I actually brought something like this up in my initial review, as the scene only works in a POV.

So, my advice is include a POV here, but do it correctly.

Quoted from scmower Hey, again thanks for all the feedback, I'm taking it on board for the rewrite. I understand everyone means by the formatting issues and my over-describing of certain elements in a scene i.e. they stand in the office. One thing actually I wouldn't mind some advice on. The first dream sequence when Reid runs along the path and kills the man is all supposed to be from Reid's POV. I didn't write it explicitly explaining it was a POV because I thought that deciding if shots were POV or not is the decision of the director or not. I'll put it in the next rewrite, but are you allowed to put in a script that a certain sequence is a POV if it really is meant to be in the writer's mind, or are you meant to leave it for the director to decide?

Hey Stuart,

In most cases you would be right.
But this is an exception to the rule.
Story centric decisions like this are more than acceptable.

REID'S POV

The man runs...

You can use it as a mini-slug.
Either end it with a RETURN TO SCENE if it's in the middle of another scene.
Or, end the POV with beginning a whole new slug.
Something along those lines should work fine.

Regards,
E.D.

Hmm...

Interesting one here. I agree it needs to be POV. Since I'm messing with a POV problem myself, I hope you don't mind that I litter your thread a bit, Stuart.

Would this be right???

EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

Reid chases an unkown MAN.

REID'S POV

Tunnel vision. The tree's pass by in a blurr. The man turns to run.

BACK TO SCENE

Reid pounces on his victim.

POV is a tough one. I often think of Michael Meyers looking through the two eye hole slits in his mask. That way you know its him gazing. To write it properly, is a different challenge.

James

Yeah, exactly.  There are numerous ways to correctly format and write it, and both examples are fine.

IMO, you may want to do the entire scene from Reid's POV.  Otherwise, you're going to have to show your creature, and I'm not sure you want to or have the funds to be able to successfully.

James, you're exactly correct in your Michael Meyer's example.  As I have explained it before, the correct way to use a POV is when the "view" or "angle" is different enough to warrant one, then go for it.

People like to throw them in here and there, but the majority of the time, they're either flat out incorrect, and not really a POV.  You don't just throw in POV's from your characters for the Hell of it, as many actual shots are POV's in film, but no different than any old shot.

Good examples are...

If a character puts on a mask.

A creature's POV, where the vision is different

Anytime someone or something is "lurking" in an odd place, and you want that stalking effect (behind trees, tall grass, bushes, etc).

If someone is hiding (in a closet, under a bed, etc).

Looking over a cliff, or up a sheer climb.

Obviously, there are others as well, but these are good ones...and effective uses of a POV.