Daniel!
Great that you managed to produce your story. Though the script, IMHO, was not ready for production yet.

I liked the idea and the initial setting, but the whole story didn't work, because, as it was told before, there's actually no story.

Quoted from albinopenguin this script has an identity crises. this is clearly a script designated for kids (or it should be). the whole concept is too juvenile for adults.

I think, that's the next most important point.

You should really decide to yourself what exactly do you want to tell the audience, what is your message – and then rewrite it accordingly.

Good luck.

Congrats on producing your work!  It has a nice production feel to it and I dig the music.  

It seemed to me that a lot could have been cut from the beginning.  The closing up sequence seemed to go too slowly without much purpose.

When I was reading the script, I imagined it as an animation. I think something like that could work in a limited fashion with kids, as others described.