The Interrogation :: SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board

Hey,

I gave this a read.
What to say?

Suddenly at the end of page 8 there's a Bathory in the interrogation room. Ok. Googled. Read over - Elisabeth Báthory hungarion serial killer/ witch thing going on etc. etc. Seems to be used for some big literature...

I probably had not the required qualifications here.

So, a Nathalie is suddenly named Bathory without using caps or giving her a visual changing or sth.
Then, in the same action block, you used once again the name Natalie for the same character...

So, it's untidy or I just don't get this kind of stuff. What kind effect you want to imply by doing so? Does the audience know when a character's name changes on screen?

I don't know. For sure I'm not infallible and maybe this all is a stupid interpretation with Elisabeth Bathory and my google move too; but it simply annoys me that I have to interpret this name changing stuff.

Don't take it personal. Some other feedback:

You gave the cops Arrington and Markham less profile. I think you wanted to strengthen the whole plot and the twist by doing so. So, they aren't such super clever cops; more they follow the usual cop's interrogation workflow. Which is fine. What you can do better is: Cut some of their replies concerning the happenings of the case, the murder.

Cut their phrasing to shorter ways how they can bring their points across. Example of some replies:

"We know you left just
after he was discovered,

We know you were the last one to be
seen with him.

You were the last girl in his room.
He was discovered just a few minutes
after you left him.

You were the last one to be seen
with him. He wasn' t found dead until
after you left his room."

Another point is: During the interrogation there's not much interaction. Page 3, 5 and 6-7 are almost I-pages. Only dialogue. A bit of this and that gesture wouldn't be bad in my eyes. Out of that its noticeable that the talk is tranquil and partly calm which isn't bad. Nevertheless, don't let it be too stiff. Watch out for some mimic. Nobody should stand still for too long in a movie.

Out of that the other cops needed too much time to help their colleagues, there are some lines like this when they finally enter the room:

"LT. BROOKS
Jesus! Don't move you sick bitch!"

Blaze of gunfire would be the right reaction when they joined the situation.

Maybe he could say just "Jesus", because they are astonished that there's supernatural going on- but immediately they would fire as if it's the end of days.

The best stuff was the action, good moves, partly unique entertaining pictures like

"She leaps onto the table and rushes across it. She takes Markhams face in her hands and she squats so that she's at eye level with him."

The title isn't good. There are many short films with exact this title. Search for an adjective. Movie titles often prefix a characterization of the subject they choose. It could be ironic or ambivalent. "Interrogation" itself sounds boring to me and doesn't represent any tension or the real content concerning the twist or a hint in case of the witch subject.

Dialogue overwritten; interaction underwritten (partly not existent as mentioned before). The action was good, partly very good. Reads very expensive what you're doing there, as a short film, though. The confusion with the name stopped my excitement.

P.S. Your font looks erratic. You should fix that.