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rendevous
Posted: June 8th, 2015, 3:38am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Colkurtz8
Ren

Thanks for checking this out, brother, much appreciated.


You're welcome. It was enjoyable.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
- Iíve seen you say this a few times in your reviews and it make me curious as to what is your thing. What makes McManus tick, floats his junk about, rocks his world, turns him on, gets his juices flowing and so on and so forth...storytelling wise of course.


Yes, we shan't go into the other. This really isn't the venue.

I like my sci-fi, but a lot of it is bloody awful. I should probably have said 'good sci-fi'. I like thrillers, drama. I love Lynch, Fincher, Hitchcock, Scorcese and Kubrick.

Most of all I love my comedy. Usually English. As the US hasn't made many good comedies since Planes, Trains & Automobiles. God rest John Candy. He made even the most terrible movie far more bearable. And yes, I've seen Bridesmaids. And yes, I thought it sucked. Very sucked indeed.

I don't usually like scripts about politicians. For every House of Cards, they'll be twenty stories drier than a bone in a desert in the sun on a fire.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
- Never seen, read nor heard of it to be honest. I see its Rowlingís first foray into adult fiction. It passed me by.


Quite. You didn't miss much. Just had a vaguely similar storyline.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
- Yup, its one the few scripts Iíve written that is firmly set in Ireland. Angus is more of a Scottish name I know but itís an amusing handle that I wanted to get in there. Its derived from the Gaelic name ďAonghasĒ, in case youí werenít wondering... I mean, why would you?


Oh. Didn't know that. Well I wouldn't, would I? Not unless it was my middle name. Which it isn't. Even if it was I still probably wouldn't know it. The name works in it. That's the main thing. At first I kept thinking of Angus Young, but this soon wore off.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
- Cool, thanks. Yeah, I tried to get a bit of humour out of his dutiful rehearsals while giving you an idea of what type of guy he is.


It worked.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
- A few have said this and my response has been the same in that I wanted to reflect the nature of these type of interviews. They are extremely dull and perfunctory with the politician laying out his mandate...not before prefacing it with some horribly forced bio to ingratiate themselves to the electorate. I wrote this during the local election last summer but specifically got the idea when hearing one of these interviews on the radio in the car with my dad. It was pathetic, a cringe worthy experience for all concerned but at least I got a script out of it.


Indeed. I got the idea. And I have heard those interviews over there. The English politicians are annoying and smug. But no one can wax more lyrical and waffle finer than an Irish politician.

I get what you're saying. And it's fair enough. There is the danger though of your film being duller by keeping it the same length.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
Frankly, Iím disappointed that more people havenít picked up on this and just automatically judge it as too long because the rule of thumb for scenes is ďto start late, get out earlyĒ. That holds some value of course and is a good guideline to adhere to in many scenarios but itís not always the case, not always the primary objective of a scene. Sometimes a scene is protracted for a reason, itís operating on a different level other than entertainment or moving the story along as quickly as possible.


Fair enough. I'm still of the idea you could acheive much the same result if it was shortened. But we'll agree to differ.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
Angusís ramblings during the interview again give us a window into the type of person and candidate he is. Plus, they vary tellingly in certain parts to the lines he fed Colm in the car so that although heís is a bit of a dope, he is still playing the political game, cultivating a PR persona. It was important to show he's not a complete fool because then you'd wonder how he would've gotten this far.


That was good. At first I thought it was going to be silly, like Father Ted silly, which I don't think would have worked as well as it did.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
Although I see Sheila as the real driving force behind his campaign, she has to constantly re-steer him in the right direction when he veers off track.


Indeed. Most fellas have a Sheila, otherwise they'd be hopeless. Like Homer is when Marge is away.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
I see the scene as going though five movements: Angus talking about himself...his competing candidates...his polices to which Phil brings up the ďwitchĒ printing error but Angus deflects this and gets back talking righteously about the changes he will bring... his slogan... before he makes the ďmessiahĒ slip up. So there is a progression itís just that a lot of verbose padding happens en route because this is inherent to his character and the circumstances. What do politician have at the end of the day only their words and how they spin them?


This is all true and I see you're strong on it, so we'll move on.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
Remaining true to those elements at the risk of an extended scene is totally justified in my opinion.


Quite. You're repeating the same point though, just like a politician.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
Iím glad you liked the messiah bit. As Iíve said to others I couldíve easily went a sexist, homophobic or racist comment... or just threw in an f-bomb but I intentionally made Angusís mistakes inconsequential and minor as a way to comment on the outrage, shaming culture we live in today where people are excoriated for saying the most innocuous things. A slip of the tongue can go viral in minutes and the perpetrator is vilified and ruined within hours thanks primarily to the self administered judge, jury and executioner mentality of social media... but itís ok, that person will give a heartfelt apologise on Jimmy Kimmel the following night and all is well again in the world.


I think the messiah bit worked particularly well because it's Ireland, and because of the history of religion in the south. Still works today because not so much has changed for a lot of people, despite them voting for gay marriage, and all those scandals with the Catholic church. You couldn't do Father Ted these days though.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
- I concur, good catch. Cheers.

- Good, I thought you might appreciate the humour, glad you go some amusement out of it.

- Yeah, Iíve had this conversation with people before but I stick by them. Theyíre very useful to convey phrasing in the dialogue and breaking up the action in the prose. Iíll look into putting a space after them though. Thanks.


They're a funny thing. I have to stop myself using them sometimes as they start appearing all over my writing. Just something to bear in mind.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
-Yeah, much like Alan Partridge, Angus is a celebrator of the mundane, he champions the ordinary!

- I love the show in question but never even thought of it to be honest. Itís just because Ted is such a common name around my parts.


Quite. You got away with it.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
- Yeah the bookend scenes with the two sets of women were to show that fickle nature of public perception. Perhaps itís a little overt but I was mainly going for humour with their terribly shallow and superficial remarks.


I liked it. Seemed true to life.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
- Of just Angus? I dunno, I hoped it would be a self contained story in its own right. The outcome of the election isnít really the central concern of the script but more the absurdity of the political circus itself and the society (dys)functioning around it.


I didn't mean just Angus. But you could do a series around a town like this. Have characters like Angus appearing in their own episode, then appear in the odd episdoe after. I liked the type of humour you had here. It could also be shown on the telly any time of day.

I have a bit of trouble writing comedy without swearing. You seem to have no such problem.


Quoted from Colkurtz8
Thanks again for taking the time and sharing your thoughts. Glad you got a kick out of it.

Col.


Welcome. Keep it up.

R


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Colkurtz8
Posted: June 9th, 2015, 10:46am Report to Moderator
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Ren


Quoted from rendevous
I like my sci-fi, but a lot of it is bloody awful.


- As in the sci-fi you write? I respect your brutal self critique.


Quoted from rendevous
I should probably have said 'good sci-fi'. I like thrillers, drama. I love Lynch, Fincher, Hitchcock, Scorcese and Kubrick.


- That's a solid bunch right there but I do remember you givin' it tight to Paul Thomas Anderson on the "Chappie" thread a while back. I was too indignant to respond and by the time it passed I couldn't be ars?d. Your dismissal of The "Master" and "There Will Be Blood" was enough to earn an immediate muttered expletive at the screen, from me, in your direction. I even clicked on your profile, swore at it, shook my fist, clicked back to the home screen, logged off, then went about my day...However, I simmered long after...


Quoted from rendevous
Most of all I love my comedy.


- Ah, I see you're balancing the books here with some unabashed patting of one's own back.


Quoted from rendevous
Usually English. As the US hasn't made many good comedies since Planes, Trains & Automobiles. God rest John Candy. He made even the most terrible movie far more bearable. And yes, I've seen Bridesmaids. And yes, I thought it sucked. Very sucked indeed.


- Tis been many years since I seen "Trains, Planes and Automobiles" but I remember loving it. I'm nearly afraid to go back to it now as it could ruin the memory. I didn't like Bridesmaids either. I'm not much of comedy fan simply because I don't like a lot of comedy films that are churned out, they don't make me laugh.

I'm more about character based humor than gags, that's why some sitcoms like "Seinfeld", "Curb Your Enthusiasm", "The Office" (UK), "Extras" "Black Books" and "Father Ted" (which can be a bit too broad for my tastes at times) really work for me. The comedy comes from getting knowing the characters and their ways. Huge fan of everything Alan Partridge (although the film was only ok) while "The Big Lebowski" is far and away my favorite comedy film. I generally like the laughs to be cynical, uncomfortable, self deprecating and dark.


Quoted from rendevous
I don't usually like scripts about politicians. For every House of Cards, they'll be twenty stories drier than a bone in a desert in the sun on a fire.


- Yeah, I would never try to write a serious political drama, I wouldn't know where to begin. Attempting a localized satire about it felt much more within my limited knowledge of the subject.


Quoted from rendevous
Quite. You're repeating the same point though, just like a politician.


- Well spotted, meta or what! Have I ever told you how cinema is be more than just entertainment and the brilliance of Paul Thomas Anderson? C'mere, lend me your ear...


Quoted from rendevous
I think the messiah bit worked particularly well because it's Ireland, and because of the history of religion in the south. Still works today because not so much has changed for a lot of people, despite them voting for gay marriage, and all those scandals with the Catholic church. You couldn't do Father Ted these days though.


- True, we do have a disconcertingly close relationship with Catholicism. It is on the wane big time though and church attendances have fallen off dramatically across the county in the past couple of decades.


Quoted from rendevous
I didn't mean just Angus. But you could do a series around a town like this. Have characters like Angus appearing in their own episode, then appear in the odd episdoe after. I liked the type of humour you had here. It could also be shown on the telly any time of day.


- Thanks for the suggestion but I feel it could get very colloquial and "Irish" in the worst possible sense. No paddywackery inflected cliche shall be left un-turned! Who knows, maybe in the final episode they'll be a busload of the senior citizens from the parish heading to Knock on a pilgrimage when they breakdown in Athlone, the debauched citadel of the midlands (really its just a college town overrun with drugs). Generational clashing hilarity will ensue! Cute and funny to outsiders, tiresome and patronizing to natives.

I'm very aware of falling into the mire of Irish tropes which is why I generally try to keep my scripts as geographically neutral as possible. Having said that the last short I wrote takes place specifically in the fields behind the house where I was reared and the feature I'm currently working on is set in Ireland too.

Sorry, I know its sounds like I've just shot your idea down in flames, its definitely something worth exploring...just not by me.


Quoted from rendevous
I have a bit of trouble writing comedy without swearing. You seem to have no such problem


- It totally depends on the character and type of story of course. I do have a lot of swearing in other scripts, both comedy and drama, if it sounds true to the characters/story. A softer tone seemed more suitable here to chime with the locale, its inhabitants and the nature of events. Its all a bit silly really.

Thanks for your further comments, R.

Col.


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Maroun
Posted: March 14th, 2018, 6:34pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Col,

I really liked this script, very well written.
I agree with one of the comments though, that the title "blank canvas" doesn't perfectly match the story: maybe you could come up with a funnier title, like "witche's hat", or something more connected to your story.
I like the general theme, that the media distorts and amplifies any small event, often believing its own lies. One thing i would suggest though is to identify the vandal with the black marker at the end of the script as one of Angus's rivals; this would mean that media is not as unbiased as it would seem; there are people who manipulate media buzz to serve their own interests.

Best of luck,
Maroun.
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Colkurtz8
Posted: March 15th, 2018, 3:15pm Report to Moderator
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Maroun

Thanks for the read and comments.


Quoted from Maroun
I agree with one of the comments though, that the title "blank canvas" doesn't perfectly match the story: maybe you could come up with a funnier title, like "witche's hat", or something more connected to your story.


- I stand by the title as it has more than one connection to the story and can be interpreted in more than one way. You probably know this already but just to clarify, "Canvassing" is when politicians, primarily at a local level, go from door to door, ingratiating themselves with the people to accrue votes.


Quoted from Maroun
One thing i would suggest though is to identify the vandal with the black marker at the end of the script as one of Angus's rivals; this would mean that media is not as unbiased as it would seem; there are people who manipulate media buzz to serve their own interests.


- Good suggestion, I left it open as it could be anybody within the parish who either don't like Angus because of his policies, personality, etc or just don't like his face on that poster. I'd like to think its something as petulant as the latter. Funnier that way.

I know when local elections come around and the streets are festooned with airbrushed, grinning faces, I get the urge to to some petty vandalism. Even if you like the face at first, you grow to hate it after a few weeks and its over saturation...at least I do anyway

Thanks again for the read, If you have anything else you want me to take a look at, let me know. We could do another swap. Cheers.

Col.


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HyperMatt
Posted: June 14th, 2018, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
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Didn't realise this was from way back Howard when I read it. Flicking through the comments, a lot has already been said. This kind of story is not my usual cup of tea. It's basically about a campaign (I think). It took me a few pages to realise it is set in Ireland.
I think the second half of the script is much more interesting and flows better than the first half. That stuff with
Angus campaigning and the radio interview was a bit slow for me. It all feels like a prelude to the real story which for me really started when Angus and Colm were going door to door, and when Angus stepped into a robbery, that really held my attention.
I think the dialogue and friendship between Angus and Colm is the strongest thing in the story. I didn't really like
the scene with the ladies commenting on the poster at the end. I think that scene done once was enough.
For me personally, the progression or regression in a political campaign is not high enough stakes, although I loved the Michael Douglas film 'The American President'.
I did feel, especially at the start, this seemed as if it was a cogwheel in a bigger story. That Act 1.


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Colkurtz8
Posted: June 25th, 2018, 12:58pm Report to Moderator
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Matt

Thanks for checking this out. Yeah, it has been knocking around for awhile.


Quoted from HyperMatt
It's basically about a campaign (I think).


- It is on the surface but itís more a satire on the volatility of public opinion. How reactionary and fickle it is. I wrote it during a local election at home, surrounded by pristine, ginning faces on posters dotted along every road. Creepy and hilarious at the same time.


Quoted from HyperMatt
It took me a few pages to realise it is set in Ireland.


- Yeah, I don't set many of my scripts in Ireland as itís too niche. I'll just be inundated with quizzical comments about slang. Generally, I try to keep my scripts geographically ambiguous. In that they could set anywhere...within the western world we'll say.


Quoted from HyperMatt
I think the second half of the script is much more interesting and flows better than the first half. That stuff with
Angus campaigning and the radio interview was a bit slow for me. It all feels like a prelude to the real story which for me really started when Angus and Colm were going door to door, and when Angus stepped into a robbery, that really held my attention.


- Well, yeah, the radio interview is a prelude to what happens later. It informs the actions and reactions of Angus going forward. Admittedly, the interview itself is lengthy but itís of a piece with what comes before and after it. Itís really the central scene for me as it tell us what kind of a politician Angus is in comparison to how he acts in private. Itís also where he commits his faux pas that sets off a chain reaction.


Quoted from HyperMatt
I didn't really like the scene with the ladies commenting on the poster at the end. I think that scene done once was enough.


- There is a point to it though that ties in thematically. It serves as a contrasting bookend while being a comment on how people's opinions are so flimsy and easily swayed. At the beginning, Angus is seen as a bit of a fool, not someone to be taken seriously. The ladies' derisory opinions on his looks are inflected with this perception. However, this is turned on its head when he saves the day, albeit unintentionally. Now, he's seen as a hero which in turn effects how the locals judge something as superficial as his poster. They see him in a whole new light without knowing the nuances of what happened, they just accept the condensed black and white version of events.

I see it all the time how people let their personal biases and prejudices blur their opinions on things and people. The poster hasn't changed but the view of Angus has. One factor alters the other even though it shouldn't have any bearing on it.

The biggest example of this is in sports. You have people so invested in their team that they can't even bring themselves to admit the merits of an opposing player...but you watch, if that player ever transferred to their club, their point of view would completely change even though itís the same player. Specifically Cristiano Ronaldo, who is objectively one of the greatest to ever play the game but so many trash him and say he's this and that just because they don't like his personality, antics, vanity, hairstyle, whatever.

I find the whole thing a bit annoying but much more amusing. That's what inspired this.


Quoted from HyperMatt
For me personally, the progression or regression in a political campaign is not high enough stakes, although I loved the Michael Douglas film 'The American President'.
I did feel, especially at the start, this seemed as if it was a cogwheel in a bigger story. That Act 1


- I kept it local for comedyís sake. I wanted it to be provincial, this adds to the pettiness of the whole situation. That is also why I made Angusís slip up so minor. He said ďmessiahĒ big deal...but given todayís overly PC landscape, people get vilified and ostracized for the smallest of infringements. Itís ridiculous and only gotten worse since I wrote this nearly 4 years ago. I exaggerated it here for laughs.

Yeah, perhaps there is a bigger story of seeing of what becomes of Angusís political aspirations but I never intended it to be anything more than what it is now.

Thanks again for taking the time to read this.

Col.


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HyperMatt
Posted: June 26th, 2018, 2:46pm Report to Moderator
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No probs.


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UnboundWriter
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So I actually tried three times but couldn't finish it. I tried because you went through mine but my biggest realization is that as I said, not everything is everyone's cup of tea and this isn't mine. It kinda made me feel like you watched the Quiet Man and then wrote this because the character is very similar to Michaeleen. My significant other is a great fan of that movie and I'm not. We all don't like, love or appreciate everything it's a fact. Since you cut my technical to pieces I didn't put any time into that on yours. Good luck to you in all your endeavors!
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Colkurtz8
Posted: August 13th, 2019, 2:16pm Report to Moderator
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Wanda

Thanks for the taking the time. It's a pity you couldn't finish it.


Quoted from UnboundWriter
It kinda made me feel like you watched the Quiet Man and then wrote this because the character is very similar to Michaeleen.


I saw that film about 15 years ago and don't remember much from it except the boxing match and the Technicolor. I am Irish and this takes place in Ireland, its based on people I know. The Quiet Man had no bearing on it. If I was looking to films for inspiration about small town Irish life, that film would not make the longlist.


Quoted from UnboundWriter
Since you cut my technical to pieces I didn't put any time into that on yours.


No I didn't. On the contrary, I made a point of not focusing on the technical elements of your script. I flagged a few examples, advised you learn the basic craft and moved on. I focused primarily on plot, character and theme as I usually try to do when giving feedback. Anybody can just tell you to go Google "screenplay format".

Anyway, no worries. Thanks again for giving it a go.

Col.


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