The Trench by Chris Beadnell - Short, Drama - After successfully shelling the German trench on the Somme battlefield, the British soldiers move in to clear the area of any enemy survivors. 2 pages - pdf, format

What a very cool premise for a short and well done. I liked it. Just a few real nitty comments.

Quoted Text Ten minutes after the shelling. The air thick with smoke. German soldiers’ bodies hinder the movement of the British

I would put an "is" in between The and air.
I would go with corpses rather than bodies.

You may want to consider a SUPER after this as many won't know what/where this is. e.g.,

SUPER: THE BATTLE OF SOMMES - GERMANY - 1918

Quoted Text CARTER Well, I dare say you’ll perish here tonight anyway, old son.

This line was inconsistent in terms of tone with Carter's reactions in the descriptions that preceded it.  He's fearful - a bit panicked. The line is just too calm/clever.

Quoted Text INT. MILITARY HOSPITAL - BEELITZ - DAY

I would add GERMANY after BEELITZ

Again - these are real take it or leave it nit issues. I really like the script. Well done.

Ten minutes after the shelling. The air thick with smoke.
German soldiers’ bodies hinder the movement of the British.

We have no sense of ten minutes. Ten minutes doesn't matter. Write what we see and that is British stepping over dead Germans.

Nice surprise, though. What could have been.

Chris,

Some notes.

Short and to the point.  Works for what it is.  For me, the dialogue is a bit problematic.  The Brit is OK, but Adolf uses English in the trench and German in the hospital.  One or the other for me because it's not clear that the hospital is German?  Otherwise, this is a nice look back at what might have happened.

Best
Richard

Thanks folks for the comments.  I have already re-jigged this a little with Carter being a bit more skitty in his dialogue just before hitting the German.

My goal was to write and edit a one pager as a tool to cut only to the necessary.  There is some loose factual premise to the story, the German was actually injured in an trench shelling in 1916 and spent months recovering.  

The' ten minutes after the shelling' of course is not really filmable but it was to set the atmosphere for a director more than anything else, a short cut to quickly set the scene, as a one page script leaves little room for wordy explanations.  

I appreciate the feedback. It all is very helpful.

This actually happened... in a roundabout way... there's even a painting dedicated to the soldier (Private Henry Tandey) that had Hitler in his sights but didn't shoot because he was wounded.

I find the confusion between the two stories slightly jarring as Hitler wasn't actually taken as a POW. I appreciate artistic license but I'd far rather there was historical accuracy. Not everyone will know that story, so why not put it into a film? Hitler could escape with his life back to the safety of a German hospital and it's only there we discover who he really is. Pretty much what you have now, only it'll be more accurate.

It's a good story though, well written.

Chris,

Yes, very well written. Had no issue with the "ten minutes after." I realize you were setting the scene. Just not sure about the "why" with this story, as there's nothing to really bring about any closure with the soldier. The reveal is mainly for us, the reader or viewer, but having something later on to suggest the soldier who butted Hitler later realizes his mistake by perhaps seeing Hitlers face at a rally or something many years later. Then it's like a creepy face palm moment. Anyway, pretty good as is. Just a thought there.

Steve

"The Trench" has had a table reading, Winner of the the July 2016 LA Feedback Film Festival, One Page Screenplay Competition

https://lafeedbackfilmfestival.com/2016/07/04/short-screenplay-the-trench-by-chris-beadnell/

Nice, dude! That was enjoyable to watch

Had the script up with the table read in the background.

Great job and congrats.