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How They Butchered Us (currently 972 views)
Posted: December 11th, 2017, 6:53pm
So, what are you writing?
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How They Butchered Us
by David S Manoa - Short, Action, Adventure - Twelve years ago; on Friday 13, 2004 at 10pm more than 163 people, half of them children, were shot, hacked, and burned to death at the Gatumba refugee camp in Burundi. We victims, Banyamulenge (The Congolese Tutsis) were under UNHCR protection, but the attackers came through and killed our beloved brothers and sisters. The non-Tutsi refugees were left in the camp unharmed. 52 pages - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted: July 6th, 2018, 6:34pm
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This sounds like a very harrowing story that needs to be told, and the formatting is alright, but at 52 pages, I think you should make this a feature. It's a really odd length at the moment.
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Posted: July 6th, 2018, 6:36pm
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You might want to cut your use of camera shots (the aerial shots I'm thinking about). Leave that to the Director and DOP.
SCREEN TYPE: THIS IS A TRUE STORY THESE WORDS APPEAR: "UVIRA, CONGO 2004" should be SUPER: THIS IS A TRUE STORY & SUPER: UVIRA, CONGO 2004'.
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Posted: July 6th, 2018, 7:26pm
Let The Sky Fall
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Important story, granted, and I'll have a look and also see if you're around, but you need to think about working with other people on this - do you want the story told, or do you want to tell it? Page 2 Murama is female, and then male? I'm not confident of your ability to tell this story in script form.
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Posted: July 7th, 2018, 11:35am
January Project Group
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I'll echo the comments already posted. Right out of the shoot there are issues: e.g.,
EXT. UVIRA TOWN - AERIALS - EARLY IN THE MORNING
EXT. SONGO DISTRICT - AERIALS - MORNING
A scene heading followed by a scene heading.
I did glance through several pages. I think there is a story here. I think there is a writer here. I think that writer needs to learn some of the basics so that readers will want to move on.
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