Very good first page
Okay okay okay…
It's difficult for me to write that review but I try to serve some substance.
Before I opened the script, I wondered at the title and logline: Why that far away from the genre? What is to be expected here? What does it mean?
And it turns out to be a cross-over.
As I see it, it feels like a self-ironic, gritty slasher movie, with of course some humor.
All right so far - but then there is that, to me, overarching context of school shootings in which everything takes place here. And there I wonder again. Because that specific territory is, regarding what I "think" to know about the current U.S. society, a vast open wound.
And this needs to be debated. I'm open for a dialogue. For my taste the script would only work if you somehow find an intelligent angle that serves the socio-cultural debate, which sounds hard regarding the light cross-over, self-ironic tone. The only other choice then would be to change the scenario and get rid of the gym shooting and instead place the story somewhere else.
From another perspective, the character itself, her setup, the fresh narrator concept with that little fourth wall breaking (when she almost seems to finish his sentences), does work.