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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Action / Adventure Scripts  ›  But I Love You...
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  Author    But I Love You...  (currently 1060 views)
Posted: June 10th, 2018, 8:55pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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But I Love You… by Matthew Layden (TheUsualSuspect) writing as  - Short, Action - Christine gets her chance to win over her old crush at a high school reunion. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

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Posted: February 21st, 2019, 6:04am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

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Hey you,

Very good first page

Okay okay okay…

It's difficult for me to write that review but I try to serve some substance.

Before I opened the script, I wondered at the title and logline: Why that far away from the genre? What is to be expected here? What does it mean?

And it turns out to be a cross-over.

As I see it, it feels like a self-ironic, gritty slasher movie, with of course some humor.

All right so far - but then there is that, to me, overarching context of school shootings in which everything takes place here. And there I wonder again. Because that specific territory is, regarding what I "think" to know about the current U.S. society, a vast open wound.

And this needs to be debated. I'm open for a dialogue. For my taste the script would only work if you somehow find an intelligent angle that serves the socio-cultural debate, which sounds hard regarding the light cross-over, self-ironic tone. The only other choice then would be to change the scenario and get rid of the gym shooting and instead place the story somewhere else.

From another perspective, the character itself, her setup, the fresh narrator concept with that little fourth wall breaking (when she almost seems to finish his sentences), does work.

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Posted: February 22nd, 2019, 4:04am Report to Moderator

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It's a nice script. I like everything that's interesting.
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