SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 1st, 2025, 11:17pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The answer to: Who wrote what script in the June 2025 One Week Challenge? <- click back there


The July 2025 One Week Challenge comes, soon.

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Action / Adventure Scripts  ›  Gastown
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Gastown  (currently 866 views)
Don
Posted: August 24th, 2019, 12:38pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
17346
Posts Per Day
1.94
Gastown by Jay Fjestad - Short, Action, Adventure - Janet and her mom, Karen, are out on a quick shopping trip when a desperate, cryptic phone call sends them on a chaotic chase through the streets of downtown San Diego. 23 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  August 26th, 2019, 12:47pm
revised draft
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
wordbreeders
Posted: September 5th, 2019, 3:09pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.00
I'm not quite sure what led to them being chased or how Dad is linked. I like your writing style, but just be careful, sometimes leaving out words can make it difficult to follow who is doing what. I wasn't quite sure how to visualize the pedestrians. Are they in a zombie-like state?
At page 5 I was thinking this is pretty slow for Action, and then it just shifted into full on action. Just be careful of too much repetition.  The cars bounce and jump a lot. There's also a lot of going fast, then having to slow for people, then fast and then slow again. This would be a pretty high budget short to make.
Regards, Christine
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Action / Adventure Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006