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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Driver Les - Optioned
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  Author    Driver Les - Optioned  (currently 1015 views)
Don
Posted: September 9th, 2018, 9:07pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Driver Les by Larry Postel - Short, Comedy - When their getaway driver leaves them stranded after a bank robbery, two thieves unknowingly hijack a driverless car with a mind of its own. 10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work


Reviews:

By LC
https://www.simplyscripts.com/2018/10/17/driver-les-by-larry-postel/

and Michael Kospiah
https://www.simplyscripts.com/.....able-for-production/


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  July 25th, 2020, 7:56pm
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Dustin
Posted: September 10th, 2018, 4:00am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Too much talking... these guys wouldn't be talking after a robbery, especially while inside an automated car that could be recording their conversation.

Generally, after something like this, the thieves will be quiet until they get to a safe place where their excitement only then overboils.

I like the idea, it has potential. Just too much expo for me.


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MatthewLincoln
Posted: September 11th, 2018, 11:52pm Report to Moderator
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Larry,

I just read your short film. It was a very interesting concept, the idea that the to robbers have Driver Les, as a partner in crime. The potential is there for a neat twist on the heat away driver story. Cool.

Matthew Lincoln

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MatthewLincoln
Posted: September 12th, 2018, 12:04am Report to Moderator
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One more thing,

I can see what the other commenter was saying about exposition. Some could be trimmed, but you are good a writing dialogue, which is a big plus.

Matthew L.
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LC
Posted: September 12th, 2018, 12:22am Report to Moderator
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Ah, it's funny. They're not too bright the robbers, so they do yack.

The point at which the guys only have a one-hundred dollar note, I think you could have continued to ramp up the tension with Les asking for a smaller note/doesn't give change, the sirens getting closer etc.

I kept thinking something surprising was going to come left of field at the end, but it doesn't. That's my only point of contention - something should happen unexpectedly during the second robbery. It's too easy otherwise.

Nice humour though. I liked it.


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Scooter
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LarryP
Posted: September 12th, 2018, 10:44am Report to Moderator
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Hey, thanks for the great feedback (as always).  I do have an alternative ending with a good twist, which I'm going to insert and re-post.  Thanks again!
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LC
Posted: September 12th, 2018, 11:17am Report to Moderator
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Looking forward to reading the updated draft.

Very funny new draft. Great stuff, Larry.  


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LC  -  October 14th, 2018, 11:44pm
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LC
Posted: October 14th, 2018, 11:43pm Report to Moderator
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Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

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Hi Larry. PM'd you.

Need a Bio from you for the review.


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LiamX
Posted: October 16th, 2018, 8:52am Report to Moderator
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Nice! I did laugh a few times, nice story!

One thing i did think was when robber 2
ROBBER 2
Nice! It'll save us some dough.

havnt they already paid and said keep the change? so it wont be saving them anything. Or is it just caus hes so stuipid?
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: October 17th, 2018, 5:48pm Report to Moderator
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I really like it, good story idea well told - May be a personal thing  but i would rather they had different names - Dim Robber or Chubby Robber - Something a bit more distinct than robber 1

I was also disappointed in the end, for me it kinda fizzled off and left me feeling unsatisfied

Overall though, great job



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Matthew Taylor  -  October 19th, 2018, 5:57pm
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LarryP
Posted: November 9th, 2019, 12:42pm Report to Moderator
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Hi there. I'm the writer of DRIVER LES and want to let everyone know that it's available again.  Unfortunately, the production didn't work out with the previous producer.  Please let me know if you're interested.  No fees required to produce it...a credit and quality production is all I ask!
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Don
Posted: July 25th, 2020, 7:56pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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This in from Larry:

Hi there. Just want to let you know that a young producer/director in Toronto named Ali Abbas saw DRIVER LES (my short) on your website and just optioned it. He seems like a very talented filmmaker -- and I thank you all for making this happen!


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


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LC
Posted: July 25th, 2020, 8:21pm Report to Moderator
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I'm thrilled for you, Larry. Congrats!

Can't wait to see this.   .


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: July 25th, 2020, 8:25pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats Larry!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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BarryJohn
Posted: July 26th, 2020, 4:20am Report to Moderator
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Nice - well done Larry.

Look forward to seeing it.


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories.. You want to read one?

I live in the most beautiful country of South Africa. I'm a self employed electronics security technician. I'm four years into script writing ~ trying to make it in this ever competitive  industry.  

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