SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is January 22nd, 2020, 4:42am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Scripts Studios are posting for 2019 - 2020 award consideration
The January One Week Challenge is on

Scripts due to

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  High Life
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    High Life  (currently 181 views)
Posted: September 9th, 2019, 4:16pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
High Life by Christine Locker & Lee Ann Riddle - Short, Comedy - A woman's paranoia is heightened by her pot smoking when an unknown intruder breaks in. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Site Private Message
Matthew Taylor
Posted: September 10th, 2019, 6:02am Report to Moderator

Shakespeare's county
Posts Per Day
Hello to you both

You went a bit overboard with the O.S sounds. It's a small style choice I guess, but they became irksome.
You give us the location of the sound, and that it is O.S - given the location is not the current location, it's too much IMHO.
"SMASH of glass from the kitchen..." OR
"SMASH of glass O.S..."
I'd pick one, not both.

The story was a bit "meh" - It's a punchline comedy but the punchline is predictable and not entirely funny.
Being high doesn't really play into the story at all - could have played out the same if she was sober, so I would revisit how being high can complicate the story and take it in some funny directions.
There are no real consequences - the cops show up but are convinced quickly and easily that nothing untoward is going on and they leave. Nick also recovers from being unconscious quickly with nothing more than a sore head.

I think you could revisit and pump up the comedy in this - a comedy of errors - Nick is still unconscious for example when the police arrive, attempt to arrest Trudy thinking she is the burgular and (being high) leads them on a chase around the house.
as it is, I don't think this stands out very much.

But hopefully I am wrong and someone loves it and films it  

Best of luck to you


Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
Posted: September 10th, 2019, 12:08pm Report to Moderator

Novice Scribbler

Posts Per Day

Just a thought.  She calls 911. The storm has police running behind.  Trudy sitting there on the couch and the dark figure BOLTS by her.  She almost yelps.  Investigates and finds the intruder in the bathroom.  The sounds of heavy bowel movements.  She tells 911 he's using the potty.  The dark figure exits the bathroom. Didn't wash his hands. She tells 911 the perp didn't wash his hands. Isn't that like a felony?  

Goes to the refrigerator.  The dark figure makes a sandwich.  911 asks what's happening. She tells them he's eating her leftovers . Not to charge him with that.  He was doing her a favor.  Then her friend knocks on the door and hollers Trudy name.  The dark figure with knife in hand goes toward her best friend at the door. She has to act. Can't wait for police any longer.  Can't let her friend be stabbed.  She whacks him.  Runs to the door. She's proud. She just saved the day etc.....

Then when Nick goes to touch her face to reassure her it's okay she whacks him again.  For not washing his hands.

Just a thought.  If what I said  doesn't really work for you. Hopefully it will spur up some ideas for you. All the best !
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
Posted: September 17th, 2019, 6:28am Report to Moderator
Been around a while

Nottingham, UK
Posts Per Day
Definitely liked your style of writing, you kept me on my toes. Good use of dialogue. Good title, with its double meaning. The ending was a little cheesy but on the other hand it's sufficient for a short comedy/dramedy.
Keep up good work

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Comedy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006