Perfect Plan by Cedric Msiza - Short, Comedy - Four friends visualize their new plan for a bank robbery. 14 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

There are grammatical errors throughout here that really kill the pace of the story. Before you do anything, run this through something like the Grammarly app, it's free. Either that or you proofread the hell out of this thing.

It's sad that grammar makes this so difficult to read, because I can visualize what you're trying to do here, and I enjoy concept in the broadest sense. The guys all sitting around the table, jumping back and forth through time or reality as they talk about this bank robbery, and then a twist ending. Perfect little short.

Aside from grammar, the dialogue is bad, and the ending is a little confusing. Try really mapping out the characters, do whatever it takes to truly understand them and their individual voice. The character descriptions tell me these guys are all different, but the way they speak and act leads to me think I could swap the names around of all the characters and it wouldn't change the story whatsoever. Not good. Write an "autobiography" for each character if that's how far you need to go, but you need to get these characters to be something more than cardboard cut outs.

Try Grammerly - it's free. Way to many grammar errors.

I appreciate the advice. Thank you