Body in the Tub by Joshua Ram - Short, Comedy - A short 4 page script about a man and a woman in a bathroom with a body while hosting a costume party.

Contest: Reddit- screenwriting 118 writing prompt winner - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Joshua.
To me, the story was unrealistic. Even from a "smoked-up" point of view. The ending was something out of the board game CLUEDO. Grammar and format needs attention. You appear to be new at screenwriting... and that's cool, we all started somehow and learnt  as we went along. And of the best way is to read a lot of scripts, and to read-up on the craft of screenwriting. A good site is; screencraft.com

All the best, and keep writing.      

    

Quoted Text Hi Joshua. To me, the story was unrealistic. Even from a "smoked-up" point of view. The ending was something out of the board game CLUEDO. Grammar and format needs attention. You appear to be new at screenwriting... and that's cool, we all started somehow and learnt  as we went along. And of the best way is to read a lot of scripts, and to read-up on the craft of screenwriting. A good site is; screencraft.com

Hmmm, have to kinda disagree about the formatting, I think it's actually on par. It's hard to keep up with how screenwriting keeps evolving, but I've noticed underlining scene headings in most newer scripts I've been reading. Only thing missing is FADE IN, but again, I've been reading a lot of scripts, produced scripts, that just get right to the scene -- of course, we shouldn't follow everything we see in produced scripts, many of them are technically flawed but get the pass because the writer is also the director often times. But, to me, the writer doesn't seem all that new, I've seen much, much worse -- the main thing that needs to be addressed is basic punctuation. Ending sentences with periods would help.

-- Michael