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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  The Outsourcing of Jesus
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  Author    The Outsourcing of Jesus  (currently 61 views)
Don
Posted: January 3rd, 2021, 2:49pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Outsourcing Jesus by Ronald Micci - Short, Comedy - In a world of shrinking job expectations, our Lord and Savior is always available for free consultations. 7 pages  - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Max Ruddock
Posted: January 5th, 2021, 5:18pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Ronald,

You reeled me in with the title and log line but unfortunately the script itself didnít work for me.

Perhaps it went over my head I donít know, but as I was reading it I had no idea why you called the guy Alexander the Great, unless Iím missing something obvious (which is a very real possibility), and I the narration felt way too wordy for me. Quite a few times I found myself wondering what are we meant to be seeing whilst the narrator is waffling away?

That said, I dig the concept and think if it was tightened up itíd make for a great little short.

Anyways good luck with it.

Cheers
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