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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Night of the Swingin' Dead
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  Author    Night of the Swingin' Dead  (currently 265 views)
Don
Posted: March 14th, 2021, 11:56am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Night of the Swingin' Dead by Jason K. Allen - Short, Comedy, Horror - A zombie desires to dance like his swing-dancing hero, Fred Astaire. But first he must find a willing teacher. 12 pages - pdf format

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Don  -  August 31st, 2021, 3:51pm
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AlexanderLR
Posted: March 15th, 2021, 12:46pm Report to Moderator
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Really enjoyed this one mate! Fun title. The comedy isn't overly forced which I like - subtle things like him taking out the boy's arm with the power rangers watch was clever/witty. Her wearing the surgical gloves and mask made me laugh, as well as the bloody message on the mirror and him taking out the bloody finger. Monster Mash was a great choice also! One question, how did Layla injure her knee?
Maybe when Gunther is handed the mint, instead of putting it down his pants, it could melt due to his putrid breath?  
Maybe you could have incorporated some kind of twist for the ending, it wasn't at all bad, made me chuckle, kind of expecting a bit more, but that's just me, I like twists! I wonder is the dance academy opposite a graveyard? Is that why there's another undead contender? Overall, funny and different.
By the way I'm new to SimplyScripts and have uploaded a story called Fur and no Whiskers, feel free to check it out if you like, it's a comedy/drama.
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