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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Tired.
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  Author    Tired.  (currently 137 views)
Posted: June 8th, 2024, 4:31pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Tired. by Aaliyah Manns - Short, Comedy, Thriller, Microshort - A girl just wants to get a slushie from the gas station. Her obstacle? A broken slushie machine and a man. 2 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice

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Posted: June 12th, 2024, 5:33am Report to Moderator

Pushing boundaries

London. England
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Don't forget FADE IN:

Also EXT. WOODS - MOMENTS LATER Didn't quite get that.

Is this a  Dream sequence? If not, I don't get it.

You need to do a  proofread as there are some minor typos and missing words.

Overall I thought this was bulky in action scenes and a bit of a strange one. Though I did enjoy the read.

Thanks for sharing.

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