Shiners Incorporated by John Stone - Short, Comedy - Colin finds a job for himself and his son, but things don't quite go to plan. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Dear John,
fantastic stuff! This would make a neat TV sketch - do they make any TV shows like that now?? Someone's going to make this as a short as the overheads are low. Cast of 2, Home int/ext single location. Best of luck - JtF

This was pretty funny. It didn't go anywhere I thought it would go. I was caught flat-footed at the end.

It reminded me of a Wallace and Grommit episode only in that they did some window cleaning. You didn't use any of their stunts or jokes which is good. I don't have anything else to add.

Tidy work.

I like the writing, slick and clean - moves along.

Story wise it felt like either 1) should be shorter a single scene etc or 2) or could be longer, like the entry into a bit longer.

I agree it’s annoying that every writer has a view but hey ho, that’s the way.

My conclusion is that it could be more. I hope that’s taken as a compliment.

JtF thanks for the read and comments. I’m not sure about the question “ do they make this kinda comedy any more?â€�  If they don’t then they should. And you are right it would cost very little to produce this one. It’s a sketch that could be used along with others.

Michael and Reef Dreamer thanks for the read and comments too.   I’ll take your comments as a compliment. Thank you.