SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 10th, 2025, 8:14pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The July 2025 One Week Challenge comes, soon.

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Low Profile
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Low Profile  (currently 1075 views)
Don
Posted: March 12th, 2017, 4:48pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
17384
Posts Per Day
1.95
Low Profile by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - Forgetting her parents wedding anniversary a girl with a broken arm turns to her brother for help. 6 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Warren
Posted: August 8th, 2017, 10:32pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

Location
Sydney, Australia
Posts
3890
Posts Per Day
1.17
Hi Simon,

The logline reads awkwardly.

I like a title page.

Your details at the top of every page are unnecessary.

So this story just meanders around for a few pages with no real substance and then ends in a very cringe worthy way. I don't feel anything for either of your characters.

I can kind of see what you tried to do, but I personally feel you fell short.

All the best.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
RichardR
Posted: August 11th, 2017, 11:14am Report to Moderator
Been Around


Posts
885
Posts Per Day
0.23
Some notes

The writing has far too many errors and mistakes.  Needs a thorough edit.  the story itself seems a one-trick pony.  He wants to take her with him to visit mom and dad; she doesn't want to go.  It goes on for 6 minutes.  Needs more.

Best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
Simon
Posted: September 1st, 2017, 2:19pm Report to Moderator
New


English, self taught comedy writer

Location
London
Posts
174
Posts Per Day
0.05
The ending's too sugary for me, lol. I was hoping for some kind of twist. This wasn't the most entertaining script I've read, but you could probably write for Neighbours if they'd let you. Laura's always getting into trouble, even though she seems to come from the ideal family? Maybe that needs a bit of explaining. It just seemed a little weird to me. A few grammar mistakes, here and there, also.


Please visit and like/follow my Unsubscribe fan page https://www.facebook.com/The-Unsubscribe-Tribe-157356154842321/
.... or my Twitter page https://twitter.com/TheUnsubTribe (Ideally follow both).  I will return the favour. Also, check out the Unsubscribe trailer... :O :O :O https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kDbJm1VhSI
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006