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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  An Incident In the Life of the Last Southern...
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Don
Posted: May 27th, 2017, 12:38pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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An Incident In the Life of the Last Southern Gentleman by Raleigh Marcell - Short, Drama, Docu-Drama - The true story of novelist Henry Miller’s 1941 visit to Louisiana to meet a local eccentric, recluse, bon vivant, and raconteur, known as ‘the man who married his house’, an evocative plantation he presided over as The Last Southern Gentleman. 21 pages - pdf, format

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eldave1
Posted: May 27th, 2017, 7:51pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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I have never seen notes like that in the opening of a script - why not just incorporate them into the actual script?


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Simon
Posted: September 1st, 2017, 10:24am Report to Moderator
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Some of your sentences are too long. For example 'In a shaded corner of the Garden, HENRY MILLER, a middle-aged balding man wearing glasses and dressed in a Yankee's idea of a southerner's linen suit without quite going overboard. He is finishing a cigarette.' On page 3, Weeks says 'as you well know'... So why is he saying it? Try and avoid maid and butler dialogue. It's a shame you got off on a bit of a bad start as your script was very enjoyable. Weeks Hall was very interesting and never boring. Considering the amount of dialogue he has, it could potentially be very easy to get tired of him, so your writing there's good. Maybe you went a little over the top with all of Weeks' wisdoms, though. How about more dialogue that simply shows his personality, without him being so thoughtful? I've read a few scripts on this site that seem to go on and on being deep, which is fine, but it's a bit of a cliche, it seems.


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