SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is February 21st, 2024, 8:10pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Produced Script Database (Updated!)
Click here -> The February One Week Challenge Theme

Submit OWC scripts to

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Spiritism
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Spiritism  (currently 700 views)
Posted: August 13th, 2017, 6:14pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Spiritism by Fausto Lucignani - Short, Drama - During a turbulent seance, a spirit reveals to the participants where a box with rare diamonds is hidden. But, is this the only revelation? 6 pages

production:Very low cost. Three actors and a room. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Sandra Elstree.
Posted: August 14th, 2017, 5:02pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

Bowden, Alberta
Posts Per Day
Good potential with the story, but the base writing needs work.

Page 1
> The walls are painted.

Purple walls

Titles to characters
> Elderly Man, Woman, Second Man

Just name them and be done with it. Eliminate confusion.

How about

I'm Mara and this is my brother Albert.

Pleased to meet you yada yada.

Who talks like this:

Do you know whom we are?


I don't think they need to ask because I'd be pretty certain Martin's a smart ghost and knows his grandchildren.

So this is the part where it's all off in terms of dialogue.

We bring gifts from life into death.

What gifts are they bringing? Zilch. They're wanting a gift, however.

When Mara says we have one question- What happened to the people working with you in the mine?

I'm wondering why she asks or even cares.

And then

They were killed by the rebels.

Of course! It's always those gosh darn rebels!   But seriously. It just sounds off and unreal.


I killed the man who pronounced the
curse against me. An African legend
says that I've liberated myself from
the curse when I killed him.

That kind of exposition is... I don't know what screen lingo is for it, but it's not good.

I think you need to show Martin alive and resolving his curse first. But of course he dies anyways.

I did find it funny when Mara says, Cursed? Nothing happened to you.

Also, this Grandpa doesn't seem to have any loving kind of emotional connection with the kids.
Doesn't ring true.

The kids never did go dig up those diamonds and still-- cursed.

But still,

I got a kick out of the bang bang. Don't mess with spiritism. It'll getcha every time.


A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 4
Posted: August 15th, 2017, 7:11am Report to Moderator

New Jersey
Posts Per Day
Sandra, you must have spent a lot of time commenting on my very faulty script. And for this, I thank you very much! I will rewrite the story taking into consideration your suggestions.
Thanks again for sharing your knowledge.
My best,
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 4
Posted: August 15th, 2017, 9:15am Report to Moderator
Been Around

Posts Per Day
Some notes.

If grandpa broke the curse of the diamonds, why didn't he just cash them in?  Or maybe he did cash in one, and his wife died...oops.

And you might consider a last scene where the medium digs for the diamonds, doesn't find them, and dies of a heart attack?  Cursed or not?

Overall, a nice little tale.  I think the medium needs a bit of setup, something that points to the fact that he could cheat his clients.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 4
Posted: August 16th, 2017, 8:39am Report to Moderator

New Jersey
Posts Per Day
as always, very constructive suggestions. I need to work on this.
Thank you very much.
My best,
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 4
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006