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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Raindrops
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  Author    Raindrops  (currently 687 views)
Don
Posted: August 26th, 2017, 7:44am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Raindrops by Jo Kolar - Short, Drama - In the midst of a storm, an abducted woman must escape to get back to the woman she loves. 8 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  September 17th, 2017, 8:46am
revised draft
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eldave1
Posted: August 26th, 2017, 10:30pm Report to Moderator
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Jo - the writing is fine IMO.

I didn't quite get the point of the story though. Seemed like a horror ending for the sake of a horror ending. You did have me up to the last page though.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Simon
Posted: August 28th, 2017, 4:46am Report to Moderator
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I thought the ending was underdeveloped, (what happened to the wife, etc.) but other than that, I liked what you've come up with.


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Jo
Posted: August 29th, 2017, 7:13pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the feedback! I'm new to the short story format so I struggleld quite a bit with getting the essentials. I'm normally used to writing (not necessarily screenplays) much longer pieces and, in this case, I had a different ending in my mind but I thought the story wouldn't be a short story by the time I was done with it.  I was worried about the ending not being developed enough and it seems like that was the case.

If there's any advise you have on short story writing, it would be much appreciated. Thank you!
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