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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Raindrops
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  Author    Raindrops  (currently 687 views)
Posted: August 26th, 2017, 7:44am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Raindrops by Jo Kolar - Short, Drama - In the midst of a storm, an abducted woman must escape to get back to the woman she loves. 8 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  September 17th, 2017, 8:46am
revised draft
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Posted: August 26th, 2017, 10:30pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Southern California
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Jo - the writing is fine IMO.

I didn't quite get the point of the story though. Seemed like a horror ending for the sake of a horror ending. You did have me up to the last page though.

My Scripts can all be seen here:
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Posted: August 28th, 2017, 4:46am Report to Moderator

English, self taught comedy writer

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I thought the ending was underdeveloped, (what happened to the wife, etc.) but other than that, I liked what you've come up with.

Please visit and like/follow my Unsubscribe fan page
.... or my Twitter page (Ideally follow both).  I will return the favour. Also, check out the Unsubscribe trailer... :O :O :O
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Posted: August 29th, 2017, 7:13pm Report to Moderator

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Thanks for the feedback! I'm new to the short story format so I struggleld quite a bit with getting the essentials. I'm normally used to writing (not necessarily screenplays) much longer pieces and, in this case, I had a different ending in my mind but I thought the story wouldn't be a short story by the time I was done with it.  I was worried about the ending not being developed enough and it seems like that was the case.

If there's any advise you have on short story writing, it would be much appreciated. Thank you!
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