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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Killing Joseph Smith
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  Author    Killing Joseph Smith  (currently 2361 views)
Dustin
Posted: February 20th, 2018, 1:27pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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Quoted from HyperMatt
I could watch grass grow, but it would have to be on fast forward.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN0ihkOCy_A


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HyperMatt
Posted: February 20th, 2018, 8:27pm Report to Moderator
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Gerlinde,
I wouldn't watch Trey Parker's 'The Book of Mormon' Musical if I were you.
It violates most of the laws you are talking about, but it is very, very entertaining.
I wish Trey would read this script and consider adding it to his Mormon/South-Park Verse. Y'know, that dimension where Satan is lucky enough to have Saddam Hussein as his boyfriend.



Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
HyperMatt  -  February 20th, 2018, 9:26pm
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eldave1
Posted: February 20th, 2018, 9:27pm Report to Moderator
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Matthew - a suggestion on your opening montage.

MONTAGE -  A SERIES OF OF PENCIL SKETCHES ON PAPER

First, the Sun highlighted in a graceful sky, surrounding
by tranquil, still clouds.

Then the Sun is partially covered by dark gray shaded clouds.
A CRACK of thunder follows.

Then just depressing dark clouds, The sun has disappeared. The
sound of heavy rainfall begins.

Then wind forced rainfall descending diagonally. The ROAR of the shower grows louder with each second.

A moment passes. The image becomes faded. A
powerful, authoritative voice speaks.

Just spit balling - thought it would read crisper.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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HyperMatt
Posted: February 20th, 2018, 10:30pm Report to Moderator
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Any comments you make I take into serious consideration Eldave.
I'll look into it.


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eldave1
Posted: February 20th, 2018, 10:53pm Report to Moderator
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Just an alternative - what you have works. This just shortens it a bit


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Gerlinde
Posted: February 21st, 2018, 12:49am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin


I'd rather watch grass grow.


What do you mean by that, Dustin? I just made it clear to Matt that you can make a drama (or a comedy) out of it, you just have to research enough. For a good script, extensive research is essential. The creators of my screenplay software, even scriptwriters, who achieved great successes nationally and internationally with the children's film "Auf Augenhöhe" (At Eye Level) have, for example, before they wrote the first line of their screenplay (I have a version) much researched on the subject of dwarfism, because the role of Tom is dwarfed (played incidentally by a Canadian actor). If you want to see the movie (it's in German), just click on the Link:

https://www.zdf.de/kinder/film-ab/auf-augenhoehe-100.html

It was broadcast by a German TV Station.

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Gerlinde
Posted: February 21st, 2018, 1:02am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from HyperMatt
Gerlinde,
I wouldn't watch Trey Parker's 'The Book of Mormon' Musical if I were you.
It violates most of the laws you are talking about, but it is very, very entertaining.
I wish Trey would read this script and consider adding it to his Mormon/South-Park Verse. Y'know, that dimension where Satan is lucky enough to have Saddam Hussein as his boyfriend.


I would love to see it shown in Berlin. Only, so far there are no plans for it, only stupid Disney musicals are shown. And then, even if it were shown here in Germany, it is questionable whether the lyrics would also be in German, because, as you know, English is not my mother tongue.
What the hell did Satan and Saddam Hussein deal with? It's about screenplays, more specifically, the script about the death of Joseph Smith. And there are some historical facts to consider. Because Smith was a historical figure. By the way, explaining much of the plot with drawings, where film is a visual medium, is more evidence of the will to be economical than telling a story visually.
I would have started the story with Cyrus walking around the city, scared because the mood is against the Mormons, and you can see where he hid the guns. Maybe Cyrus says something about his mission in the off? And then he comes to the door of the prison. This would create a mood that shows what it was like back then.

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Gerlinde
Posted: February 21st, 2018, 1:04am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from eldave1
Matthew - a suggestion on your opening montage.

MONTAGE -  A SERIES OF OF PENCIL SKETCHES ON PAPER

First, the Sun highlighted in a graceful sky, surrounding
by tranquil, still clouds.

Then the Sun is partially covered by dark gray shaded clouds.
A CRACK of thunder follows.

Then just depressing dark clouds, The sun has disappeared. The
sound of heavy rainfall begins.

Then wind forced rainfall descending diagonally. The ROAR of the shower grows louder with each second.

A moment passes. The image becomes faded. A
powerful, authoritative voice speaks.

Just spit balling - thought it would read crisper.


Also a good idea for the opening scene. Although there was no rain at that time. But please, no sketches! Make it REAL!
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HyperMatt
Posted: February 21st, 2018, 5:31am Report to Moderator
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Accord to some accounts, it did rain on the morning in Carthage the day before Smith’s death.


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Gerlinde
Posted: February 21st, 2018, 7:41am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from HyperMatt
Accord to some accounts, it did rain on the morning in Carthage the day before Smith�s death.


It had rained a little bit in the morning (a few drops, not cats and dogs). Then it stopped, and it became a clear day, a clear evening, a clear night. I found this interesting comment from an eye witness:

https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3961&context=byusq
It's a LDS source. I quote from it:

The weather was hot, we all of us had our coats off, and the window was raised to admit air. (page 10)
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eldave1
Posted: February 21st, 2018, 11:05am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from HyperMatt
Accord to some accounts, it did rain on the morning in Carthage the day before Smith’s death.


I wouldn't sweat it. It's not a documentary.

I like it as is - more dramatic


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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HyperMatt
Posted: February 23rd, 2018, 7:48pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks. I thought the sound of rain and the rain sketch was effective.

Joseph Smith is a fascinating character of the 19th century who deserves more exploration in film (I have yet to see the Vincent Price version).

Another historical figure I would like to tackle at some point is Aleister Crowley.


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eldave1
Posted: February 23rd, 2018, 9:27pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from HyperMatt
Thanks. I thought the sound of rain and the rain sketch was effective.

Joseph Smith is a fascinating character of the 19th century who deserves more exploration in film (I have yet to see the Vincent Price version).

Another historical figure I would like to tackle at some point is Aleister Crowley.


Concur - the sketch approach is more compelling


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Gerlinde
Posted: February 23rd, 2018, 10:15pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from HyperMatt
Thanks. I thought the sound of rain and the rain sketch was effective.

Joseph Smith is a fascinating character of the 19th century who deserves more exploration in film (I have yet to see the Vincent Price version).

Another historical figure I would like to tackle at some point is Aleister Crowley.


It always depends on how you want to portray a historical figure. Based on facts, you have to study friend and foe of JS in order to get a complex image of him. Or you can tell your own interpretation of JS, which describes him either as a hero, as a devil, or something in between. When I wrote my manuscript about the life and teachings of JS, I was faced with the dilemma. I had chosen the historically proven facts.
Crowley would be an interesting person, no question! But would he be interesting to most people? If I were to write a screenplay of historical characters (assuming I was good at scriptwriting), I would like to tell the love story of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, both of whom were instrumental in shaping the British Empire. Or, to take a German, the author Karl May, a truly fascinating person who managed to become from a prisoner to one of the most celebrated German author of youth literature, and of which some of his works were filmed. For example, here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBnRnYhnSQ4

ore here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_oi0glkvk8

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HyperMatt
Posted: February 28th, 2018, 3:57pm Report to Moderator
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New draft uploaded. A few changes.
I was surprised how many typos were in it. and a duplicated and an incomplete paragraph to my shame.


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