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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  The Book
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  Author    The Book  (currently 1826 views)
Kirsten
Posted: March 9th, 2018, 7:29am Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Giving up is not an option....

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Hey Richard and Warren,

Thanks heaps for the read and suggestions!

Richard, yes a good idea, these ones are fun but make you go crossed eyed trying to keep it logical... a nice challenge.


Warren, Thankyou! And sorry you had to read it 3 times, I have a hard enough time trying to get through things in the 'normal' time of day...I thank you for putting in the effort.

The scene heading 'he' thing was an unintentional stuff up from me... there was no method to my madness on that one

Yeah I prefer the shorter version, I just wanted it to stop close to the reveal and let the reader put the pieces together.

I'm not sure about the budget....

Anyways, thanks again!






"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
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Colkurtz8
Posted: March 13th, 2018, 1:43pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



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Kirsten

“David walks in draping his hand through his drenched
hair.”

- Is “draping” the correct verb here? Feels like it should be “dragging” or “running”.

DAVID
I’m just kidding, your probably a
terrible cook anyway.

- “Your” should be “you’re”

Isn’t this a reworked version of another script of yours “Don’t let the small things get you”? Except here the faux pas is an unwieldy wet jacket instead of unwieldy mucus. Plus the book acts as the inadvertent catalyst for tragedy.

I wondered if David had experienced some personal loss or was he just reading the book for his class? His forced chirpiness around Sheryl had me thinking the former but I guess it’s actually the latter.

Again, I have similar problems with this in that the coincidence is just too contrived and convenient. However, to your credit, the book does serve as a more powerful and symbolic device to connect the characters so overall there is improvement here.

Congrats on getting it optioned.

Col.


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