SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 14th, 2020, 8:39am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Scripts Studios are posting for 2019 - 2020 award consideration
The Writer's Tournament is on!

Round 2 scripts are live

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Dog
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Dog  (currently 247 views)
Posted: July 7th, 2019, 7:22am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Dog by Rennie Arundell - Short, Western - A stranger comes to town and takes an unwitting hostage. He bullies him until the tide starts to turn. 15 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Site Private Message
Posted: July 15th, 2019, 12:02pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
Hey Rennie!

Quoted Text

Is this suppose to be on the screen? If so, it would be SUPER: ACT I: THE SALOON.
If not, I'm curious to find out the reason for it?

Quoted Text
He too wears the faux western clothing but no
cowboy boots. Black sneakers.

This sentence confuses me a little.  If it's a western, how is his clothing "faux."  

Quoted Text
Somebody reaches to his side. Gershom’s hand is faster.

I think it needs to be a little more dramatic, something like   "SOD BUSTER corner table reaches. Gershom's draws and puts a hole in him before he can get his gun out of the holster. "

Quoted Text
Fingal enters the new town. It is just as deserted as the
A phone booth sticks out of the sun-blasted sidewalk.
Fingal leans against the phone booth and holds his side. The
dog is at his feet, panting.
Fingal unfolds the picture and holds it against the phone
booth with one hand.
He again reads the phone number written on the reverse side
of the picture.
He puts change into the callbox. He dials the number. A
female voice comes on. It is a recording.

  This scene confuses me.   Seems to have advanced technology to be  a western movie? Is this a hybrid type of setting? Don't think they had phone numbers back then.

All in all good story. I like your writing style. Really liked the names of your characters. As you know I'm a newbie so don't put to much weight into what I say unless it makes since to you. I'm no authority on the screenwriting craft.

All the Best!

Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
Posted: July 16th, 2019, 10:58pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while

Las Vegas, Nevada
Posts Per Day
Thank you for the review, KevinS. It's not a time period western set in 1810 or 1910, so that's why things like phone booths are included and why there's such a description as "faux western clothes." I believe another description stating the opening scene/setting to be "a time/town out of place." This may have been removed from the version on the site. So it's meant to be anachronistic.

The breakdowns such as "ACT I, ACT II," etc. aren't explicitly meant to be superimposed, but more as emotional(?) cues as to what's going on. If a director would choose to super them, that would be their choice. It was an experiment in style.

Thank you for your compliment on the characters' names. Originally they were just THE STRANGER and THE LONER, but I saw too many short scripts with just 'the man,' 'the guy,' etc. as main characters so I thought I'd try something different by finding names which meant 'outsider', wanderer', 'alone', etc.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006