Unknown by Ragulmaran - Short, Drama - In the depths of despair, a young man's suicide attempt thrusts him into a surreal journey through unknown memories, where surrendering to vulnerability leads to an unexpected rebirth of hope. 3 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice

SLUG LINE: A DIMLY LIT ROOM

And then you repeat the slug line in the first action scene. You've already told us where we are.

Bulky paragraph's don't work for me either.

EXT. OUTDOOR - DAY? Just MONTAGE would suffice followed by collection of CU action scenes

You mix camera direction within the action, not seen this before, so it left me a little confused.

All that said I like your expressive descriptions. I felt they needed breaking down to give us more clarity.

These are just my thoughts. I always try to keep it simple and concise, and not to over complicate since with visual you cannot read a characters thoughts. You only see action and hear words.

John Stone - Drown On Dry Land