Welcome, Guest. It is February 27th, 2021, 3:07pm Please login or register.
If you wish to join this discussion forum, please send me a message. There is no online registration. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
The Wunderkind and The Underachiever by Pharaoh Knighton - Short, Dramedy - When two opposite of brothers go to their fathers funeral, emotions take over. 8 pages - pdf, format
It's a bit talky for me. I think you could cut on some and make it to the point. Also add some texture, interesting recollections or something.
Maybe a nice brother moment?
I liked where it was going, the mother not liking the messed up brother part. What did Dad do to him is unclear, I even thought Dad raped his son at some point. It's also not clear why Dad acted this way, you left it out intentionally but I wish it was there. So in this respect, the short is somewhat undone for me.
I also wish there's some kind of twist at the end. Logan loosing it all, and not only his car getting towed. Although it does read satisfying and making you understand that fine things are not forever and everything can change at any given moment, but I still wish it was more.
A beat hear and there are like speed bumps in the story, so are "pause" and "big pause." Instad of BEATS and PAUSES, have your subject do something simple like -- he takes a drag from the cig. -- he gives her a kiss on the cheek. -- et al. Or take a cheap way out by using dashes. --.