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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Dramedy Scripts  ›  Requiem Wauhatchie
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  Author    Requiem Wauhatchie  (currently 332 views)
Don
Posted: June 3rd, 2019, 5:14pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Requiem Wauhatchie by Steve Miles - Short, Dramedy - Stranded in no man's land, a young Confederate soldier finds his courage tested when he comes face to face with a plucky Union veteran who refuses to quit. 7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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MarkRenshaw
Posted: February 5th, 2020, 11:31am Report to Moderator
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I read this twice and I still am not quite sure why Munk and Struttler are engaged in this discourse of dialogue. I know Struttler is trapped under some bodies and maybe there's a canon in there too but why is Munk hanging around and I'm not quite sure why he died.  

I think part of it is the dialogue. It is excellent and sounds authentic but it makes it tricky to figure out what's going on as most of the short is spoken. Maybe showing us a bit more action will help emphasises the story more?


-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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stevemiles
Posted: February 5th, 2020, 9:37pm Report to Moderator
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Mark,

Thanks for checking this out - bit of a surprise, thought it was all but dead and buried.

This came about after talking with a filmmaker who had access to a Civil War reenactment group and props.  The idea was to have two characters in a very limited space - both almost immobile - but make the setting 'feel' bigger than it was.  It never really came to anything.

Like you point out, I don't think this version does a good job at conveying the situation and the character's reasoning.  I came back to it a few months later with fresh eyes and (hopefully) addressed some of the issues you raise.  There's a bit more action that gives the reader an idea of why Munk doesn't simply run away.

I never posted it here - figured it wasn't anyone's cup of tea.  There's a link below to the revised version if you're interested.

Whether the story is better for it or not...

https://4a11f967-c790-43d9-989.....9394ad50d641db29.pdf

Thanks again.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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Dustin
Posted: February 6th, 2020, 7:12am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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A decent two-hander. Easy to film with the right equipment. Reminds me of the Saki short I recently adapted 'The Interlopers'. In fact, it makes me wish I'd been a bit more creative with it and perhaps changed it to a war setting.

Good luck finding a producer for this.


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: February 6th, 2020, 10:13am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from stevemiles
Mark,

Thanks for checking this out - bit of a surprise, thought it was all but dead and buried.

This came about after talking with a filmmaker who had access to a Civil War reenactment group and props.  The idea was to have two characters in a very limited space - both almost immobile - but make the setting 'feel' bigger than it was.  It never really came to anything.

Like you point out, I don't think this version does a good job at conveying the situation and the character's reasoning.  I came back to it a few months later with fresh eyes and (hopefully) addressed some of the issues you raise.  There's a bit more action that gives the reader an idea of why Munk doesn't simply run away.

I never posted it here - figured it wasn't anyone's cup of tea.  There's a link below to the revised version if you're interested.

Whether the story is better for it or not...

https://4a11f967-c790-43d9-989.....9394ad50d641db29.pdf

Thanks again.


That's much clearer. I like the fact that you don't just have the canons firing but we have a great visual moment of the Confederate Soldier legging it first, I loved that!



For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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stevemiles
Posted: February 7th, 2020, 8:30pm Report to Moderator
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Dustin, Mark, thanks to you both for taking the time.  Glad the newer version makes more sense.

Let me know if I can return the read.

Steve  


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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