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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Family Scripts  ›  Christmas Crystal Ball - OWC
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  Author    Christmas Crystal Ball - OWC  (currently 1054 views)
eldave1
Posted: April 8th, 2021, 8:39pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from MichaelYu
I am writer of Christmas Crystal Ball. There are a few comments on it that I need to clarify.

Logline:  This logline can tell us what the story is about clearly and in detail by using just 17 words.

Plot:  The plot was not confusing. It was easy to follow the plot.

Dialogue:  I used simple and direct method to construct the dialogues. The three persons were in trouble in the forest.
                   What they needed was to get out of it. Should they use subtext in their dialogues? Should they use indirect
                   and complicated dialogues? I think the dialogues in this script were clear and natural.

Format:    I typed this script using Kit Scenarist, which can meet the requirements of screenwriting.

Font:   The font of this script is 12. It is the industry standard.

Lots of Spelling Errors:   I failed to find them out. Can anyone help me?


Hmm - okay, I am going to give you one shot.  The writing was poor.  Let;s look just at your opening.



Quoted Text
INT. FOREST - DAY

Heavy snow covers the ground of the forest. On both sides are a of to trees. Snow
lands on the leaves of the trees, making the green leaves fade.


INT Forest - unless it is a forest inside a building, it should be EXT.

You never need to repeat your location in your description since it is in the header. i.e. this:

Heavy snow covers the ground of the forest.

Should be:

Heavy snow covers the ground.


Quoted Text
On both sides are a of to trees.


Do forests have sides? Or - are we really in a clearing of some sort.

This:


Quoted Text
Snow lands on the leaves of the trees, making the green leaves fade.


Is way over-written. Simply say snow-covered trees.

Just glancing quickly - three typos:

Their tired and nervous - should be They're.

No thanks. You'd keep it for yourself = You = not You'd.

Yes, talk a walk - should be take.

But here is the key thing, Michael - if you're objective was to satisfy your standards - then mission accomplished. You really don't need feedback.

I wouldn't look at it that way. I would look at it like this - 14 writers weighed in. All 14 thought that there were significant problems. Now, again - if you are looking just to satisfy your standards - no need to pay attention.






My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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