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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
Trick or Treat by Steven Sallie - Short, Horror - On Halloween night, a group of 12-year-old boys get more than they bargained for when they decide to spy on a suspicious neighbor. 14 pages - pdf format
Again, this doesn't mean a lot if the execution kills it, just be aware that others, filmmakers etc. may also know this general selling package you offer here. Just food for thoughts…
"looks through the eye of a camera"
Do you mean a viewfinder or a display? Imo, if you write a movie, this visual "idea" of yours should be technically correct and clear.
The old man carries a mysterious bag outside part feels truly dusted.
Okay, read it all…
It's too generic. I mean, few of the first 10 pages is economically told regarding its true visual experience that'll be on screen. The picture is just slow while the dialogue is overwritten for what is. Then I hoped for the huge third act punch that may have saved you with an advice to drastically cut it - but it just went along.
I liked some of the characterization and the language of the boys felt overall authentic.
However for thirteen plus minutes, I'd need more specific story characteristics, something fresh, maybe surprising, to lastly feel entertained.
It's a solid presentation but not the kind I'd personally call enough.