The Dream by Sean Elwood - Short, Horror - A woman visits her therapist about a recurring nightmare that may be more than it seems. 9 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Sean,

A nice set-up, followed by a predictable finish. Everything here was really descriptive and the tone stayed creepily consistent. The scene at the actual tunnel was written so well and painted quite a picture, but, imo, there really is no resolution that satisfies the build up you provided. Just a sinister figure at the end, and then … nothing! Seems to me if Hannah’s been having this dream since she was seven, and just started having it again, there must be more of a reason for it to appear again. But your ending, as is, gives us no answer to that, which is — why? Why now, after all these years, does this tunnel actually appear in real time? So many questions!

But like I said, very well written, but the ending leaves me wanting much more.

Steve

To Don, thank you.

Hello Steve!

Thanks for reading this short! I'm happy you enjoyed what it had to offer, and thank you for the suggestion of giving a little more oomph to conclude it properly.

The idea is that Hannah essentially has a premonition with this dream, usually when it could involve an attack of some kind by someone else. I hinted at it with the mention of her uncle, insinuating that he had molested her as a child. With the tunnel actually appearing, and the sinister figure inside, I attempted to hint that the figure was going to attack her whether it be murderous, or rape, or whatever it may be. Yet, she avoided it, without even knowing it.

I can see how the ending would leave you wanting more. Let me delve into it again, and see what kind of different ending I can come up with.

Sean

Sean,

Yeah, I'm with Steve on this one.

The writing is solid, pacing and dialogue flow nicely... but the ending left me wanting more.

It was a good setup for something truly satisfying, but it never happened.
I wish she would have gone into the tunnel and found the source of the cries whether they be supernatural or real.

As far as form goes, my only suggestion is that when you write "She steps away until she’s out of sight." I wasn't 100% sure if she steps into the tunnel or out of the tunnel.

I'd say "She retreats until she's out of sight."

Thanks for the story.

-Jordan

This made me feel nervous for Hannah.Good tension in this story