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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Romantic Comedy Scripts  ›  The Dawn of Arnie
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  Author    The Dawn of Arnie  (currently 459 views)
Posted: January 19th, 2020, 6:33pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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The Dawn of Arnie by Jason K. Allen - Short, Rom Com - An awkward, lonely neat freak decides to loosen up, get out of the house and go on a few dates. Unfortunately, he has no luck with the ladies -- that is, until he meets the Queen of the Untamed Forest. 17 pages - pdf format

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Posted: February 1st, 2020, 2:38pm Report to Moderator

Madison, WI
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LOVED IT! Laughed out loud throughout. Only criticism? I wanted it to keep going!
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Posted: February 1st, 2020, 3:36pm Report to Moderator

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Hey, Jason

So finally Arnie met Sandy and they lived happily ever after. Lol. Cool script. Funny.

Here are the few things I've observed.

Oh, no... I’m out of deodorant!

I would get rid of this first line. It's not needed. Just show Arnold picking up the deodorant can and it's empty. He makes a face and throws it in the dustbin.

Wild man!

"Wild man! Mandy's gonna love it." This will give readers a better clue that Arnold and Mandy have met before.

Pg. 2
His smile dissipates when notices she’s holding a bucket in
one hand and bloody machete in the other. Blood is smeared
on her hands, a few feathers are stuck to her.

You can play with this situation by not showing feathers.

Brandi was an interesting character. I wish you would have given her more space than Mandy.

I laughed my head off at that monkey dialogue.

Somehow Arnold was continuously reminding me of Rick Moranis.

Well written. Loved it!
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