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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Garbage Day!
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Don
Posted: August 16th, 2020, 3:00pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Garbage Day! by Hank Biro - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - Parents who relinquish their mutated children are given unlimited funds, while others are forced to fight for food scraps. 12pages - pdf format

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The Moviegoer
Posted: October 5th, 2020, 2:50pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, didn't really understand what was going on here, or why garbage is such a hot commodity that people are fighting to the death like gladiators for it, or why Kurk and Martha got a credit card. I'm taking it that some parents got rid of their mutated kids, others didn't and had to fight for trash to feed them. Seems a bit over-the-top.

The door to the office is open and Lorne's father, a grizzled-looking man who cares about his appearance, RENDALL, steps towards it.

Grizzled normally means the opposite of caring about your appearance, so this was confusing.

RENDALL What circumstances? Why did you insist on me speaking with you?

We never saw the kid fully normal - would have been more of an emotional story if you showed him and the other kids changing. Lorne has no personality, which makes it harder to identify with Rendall's actions.

Too long spent describing the fighting in the coliseum.

The headline of the paper reads: "Newly-Developed Trash Dissolving System Soon To Make Poor A Thing Of The Past."

This is far too long for a newspaper headline.

Two parents, a mother named MARTHA and a father named KURK, lead their youngest daughter to her assigned seat.

No need to name the parents here.

The garbage man who drives is named MARCUS, while the passenger garbage man is named STEVIE. They sit in silence.

No need to name the garbage men here.

I get from this there's a 2-tier society and people's kids have tuned into trash-eating mutants, but not a lot else. Characterisation is wafer thin. While sci-fi is about big ideas you need characters to bring it to life. That's what the audience cares more about.


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