Notes on Evolution by Akshay Kumar Simpi - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A group of four students wants to present evolution of homo sapiens project to their class. One of them object and tells others to redo the presentation. From that point on everyone pitches their own ideologies, view and theories on what really happened and how we became the present human being. 30 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice

Ahoy Akshay,

Umhm, English may not be your first language. That's OK, I'm not focusing on that. Just the story.

Your characters; name them - describe them - use the opportunity to give three words of editorialization about their personality or past because you'll never get the chance to do that in action lines again.

Yeah, too much exposition. No attempt to disguise it. It feels like your characters are talking to the audience. I was left confused by the sheer amount of information you dump on us. It might be ok for radio, but I wouldn't want to watch it up on the silver screen unless you're Tarantino or a few others'.  

Um, do me a favor; I want you to read your script but *skip* all of the heavy dialogue, just read the actions of the characters. Do you still understand the story?

There's potential there. You have conflict but you need work on how you handle the exposition. -A

Such an interesting concept and I am definitely going to take some time to look into the novel is is based on by Yuval Noah Harari.

In regards to feedback, I think it would be nice if the characters had names and a description of who they are. I think this would elevate each of their differing opinions. It would also help visually. What is there age range, gender, background etc. It would give context as to why they have the opinions they do. Maybe certain characters could be from a specific religious background hence their belief or disbelief in evolution.

Thank you for making this script available to read!