I get the impression that this is the beginning to something bigger; something rather nice, thought-out and exciting. I hope you write more.
I have a little advice to add to the review above.
To start off, you don’t have page numbers. Any page numbers I refer to are based on the PDF page numbers.
You need to get some script-writing software. You did really well writing this in Microsoft Word. You have the margins set correctly. There are a couple of widow/orphan problems. For example, at the bottom of page 15 you have a scene heading and top of page 16, the action line for that scene. There is another example where at the bottom of page 16 you have a dialog heading (JOHN) and then John’s dialog on page 17.
When you use screen writing software, all of these format issues go away. I started out using Word to write with. Every time I made an edit that added or removed a line, I had to go through the whole document to chase down the widow/orphan and line spacing issues. This problem went away when I switched to screen writing software.
Also, scene headings, characters, line spacing, parentheticals are all formatted and indented correctly when they are selected from a menu. There are quite a few packages to choose from with prices that range from pricey to free.
Libby posted this awesome link for someone. I’m sharing this link with you.
https://nofilmschool.com/free-screenwriting-softwareSeveral packages allow you to import from different word processors or plain text so you don’t have to re-type the whole story from scratch. You will need to re-format it but it goes fast.
Another format issue is that you need a title page. That also gets taken care of with the software. It has the story title, your name and contact info.
You need to clean up your slug lines. You can’t go wrong sticking to the basic:
INT. or EXT. LOCATION – DAY or NIGHT.
You have a little latitude with the location in that you can have DAVE’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM but less latitude with the DAY/NIGHT part. There are exceptions and you need to keep them as exceptions. It is best to stick with DAY/NIGHT and use action text to color in the early evening, morning, lunch time, etc.
You definitely cannot use PRESENT DAY and 7 YEARS EARLIER. Put yourself in the theater. How would you know if it’s 7 years earlier? You wouldn’t unless you read it on the screen. This is done in different ways and I suggest you look this up to see how you want to do it. Personally, I would do it with:
SUPER – OVER BLACK: “7 YEAR EARLIER”
Last but not least, you need to ditch the camera direction and the scene transitions. I have another link that will explain why along with some of the other issues I found:
https://thescriptlab.com/featu.....tle%20Pages%20SimpleThe last bit of help I can give you is that I found two typos. That I found only two is a compliment. Nice job. At the bottom of page 15 in Maya’s dialog, she talks about how there technology warps our minds instead of their technology. You spelled it correctly everywhere else.
On page 5, Afia is introduced but she is not in all caps. You did this correctly everywhere else so I know it’s accidental. I make that mistake a lot.
I hope you continue with this. Like Zinemahomework above, I too want to read more about The In-Between.