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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  Frater
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Don
Posted: January 13th, 2019, 9:49am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Frater by James Meyer - Short, Thriller, History - Directly after a great escape from a concentration camp, two brothers flee a squadron of Nazi-German soldiers giving chase in a dense forest.  57 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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pale yellow
Posted: January 14th, 2019, 9:01pm Report to Moderator
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I read a little bit of this one. I like the subject matter. I mean I'm not knowledgeable in it but wish I was because period pieces seem to be marketable but more so when they are about a true story or a true person... like a slice out of history.

I like how you start out with action, but  a lot of characters are thrown at us and we are not invested in the main characters at all at this point.

One other thing... at 58 pages... this is sort of not a short and not a feature. So you either need to flesh it out and make it a feature type thing or you need to cut it down for it to fall as a true short I think.

Touching little scene of children playing in craters of ashes left over from war.


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