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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  Knight of the Kolossos
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  Author    Knight of the Kolossos  (currently 275 views)
Posted: May 3rd, 2019, 3:29pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Knight of the Kolossos by Jeremy Storey - Short, Thriller, Mystery - A pair of detectives investigate a fanatical serial killer on a deadly quest spanning two millennia.  25 pages - pdf format

contests: CFK International Film Contest, Best Screenplay; Independent Shorts, Short Screenplay Winner; L.A. International Screenplay Contest, Quarter-finalist, 2019

Writer interested in feedback on this work

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Posted: May 6th, 2019, 2:03pm Report to Moderator

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This Script Has Been Reviewed By Shootin' The Shorts
Knight of the Kolossos

A pair of detectives investigate a fanatical serial killer on a deadly quest spanning two millennia.

From the imagination of accomplished author Jeremy B. Storey comes a murder mystery with a twist, Knight of the Kolossos. Lenny Delveccio and Amanda Wincott, two NYPD detectives, examine a crime scene where a well off couple have been murdered.

Even from the start, something just doesnít make sense. The killerís choice of hemlock as a means to end the lives of these individuals is puzzling enough, but an apartmentís worth of untouched expensive items and the discovery of a secret room throw up more questions than the two detectives are comfortable with.

Delveccio and Wincott desperately to try piece together the meagre clues to work out who the perpetrator is before they strike again.

To confuse matters further, the two are watched by a mysterious figure in a Greek fishermanís hat and their investigation is interrupted by a French Interpol officer. Nothing is quite adding up.

Mr. and Mrs. Oakley. Patriarch and
Matriarch of the redonkulously wealthy Oakley clan.

No shit. They don't send Major Crimes
for a runa-the-mill home invasion.
These fuckers have ties at 1PP. And
after 3 months on this team you know
exactly what that means.

The eye of Commisioner Sauron is on us.
Understood, loud and clear.
Okay, so it doesn't look like forced
entry or any signs of a struggle.

Three table settings.

So, our dinner guest is either a witness,
a perp, or dead elsewhere.

Dollars-to-donuts it's the perp.

Why so certain?

Vics used their spoons. Guest didn't.

Maybe wasn't a fan of the soup.

Maybe 'cos he knew it was poisoned.

With what?

Rigidity suggests they were paralyzed
before dying. And... the fennel aroma.

Which means...?

Means hemlock was the cause of death.

So our perp has a taste for murder,
with a side of cruelty.

As the detectives struggle, the mystery deepens ever more.
Cutting between ancient Greece and today's NYC, the narrative slowly reveals a past motivation is driving these murders into present-day. A millennia old tale that has been assumed folklore emerges and starts to bleed into the streets of modern New York.

Will our detectives be able to figure out the crime before further victims are claimed?
With expert writing and style, Storey has created an effortless, elegant short that hooks the reader in and keeps them engaged throughout.

Mystery lies at the heart of Kolossos, driving the characters and story towards a thrilling crescendo, where ancient and present timelines connect, and long hidden secrets are revealed.
If you are a producer or director looking for an engrossing murder mystery script for your next work Ė one thatíll keep audiences talking throughout the ďagesĒ - then Knight of the Kolossos is a must read - and win!

Review by Cam Gray
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Posted: May 6th, 2019, 8:20pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Sydney, Australia
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Hi Jeremy, I'd recommend that you read and comment on other's scripts if you hope to get more reviews on your own work.

To View All My Scripts Please Use The Link Below

My Website


Shaka Comic Book

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Posted: May 6th, 2019, 8:58pm Report to Moderator

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Hey Buddy! I recognize you from Scriptrevolution, right? I think Iíve reviewed one or two of your scripts over the last year or so! And yes, I will certainly read and provide feedback when I can. Iím a bit preoccupied right now turning one of my shorts (An Angel Whispers) into a feature. First one Iíve done in quite some time. So, just being patient and diligent. Once I complete, next up to turn into a feature will be wee Melville! Thanks for your kind words on that. Sincerely appreciated, mate.
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