Macho Cobra and the Bounty Hunter by Azeem Bari - Short, Western, Comedy - A standoff between an outlaw and a bounty hunter is elongated when the outlaw realizes the bounty hunter is new to his job. 3 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

•     Two words together “onethey” in first dialogue.  It may be on purpose but as a reader it gives me pause.

•     “BOUNTY HUNTER Yes. BOUNTY HUNTER (Clears throat and shifts to a lower tone) I mean, yeah, I am... the one.”   Have him clear his throat between the two dialogues. It will separate his speaking and read better. In parentheses it is acceptable but with you having the dialogue like that it will help by taking it out of parentheses and using it as description to separate the two dialogues back-to-back by the same character.

•     “BOUNTY HUNTER Yeah? Well... (Beat)”   Erase “beat” get rid of it. It’s used in the dialogue to show pause. Not in description.  Simply getting rid of it will work.

•     “BOUNTY HUNTER Oh uhhhh. (Beat) Macho DIES.”   Erase “beat” here as well. It’s out of place and not used properly.

•     “the end”   center “the end”

Overall it's a funny script. I liked it.